"101" | thursday | january 1, 2009 | 3:50 pm

ELCOME TO ANOTHER YEAR! Happy new year! It seems like 2008 went by really fast. Last year was a filled-to-the-brim year. A lot of things happened. A lot of things got accomplished. A lot of things are still waiting on the jury. Hopefully 2009 will be just as good, just a bright, just as productive, and just as fun plus one. Just a little bit more, please. And go lightly on the bad, the crap, the sad, the disappointing, the troubling, the bruises and the bumps, and the treating people badly (here and abroad).

101 Things I Did in 2008

1. I met Greg on New Year's Eve. He let me kiss him at midnight.
2. After a couple of emails, Greg and I had our first official date. Dinner and a movie.
3. I saw The Savages (with Greg).
4. I did some last minute reading, cramming, and pre-writing for my PhD exams, including writing one whole essay a week ahead of time banking my committee would ask me that particular question.
5. I saw In the Name of the King.
6. I went to English Grad Pub the Thursday before my exams. I got well-wishes and just wanted to have an "everyday" night before I took my writtens.
7. I took my written PhD exams over the weekend of January 25-28.
8. I saw Juno.
9. I went to a little house party at Lindsay's.
10. I saw Cloverfield.
11. I taught ENGL 242 E: "Literature as Worldmaking" during Winter quarter.
12. I passed my writtens.
13. I prepped for my oral exams.
14. I celebrated Chinese New Year, the Year of the Rat, but did not make dumplings.
15. I passed my orals on Valentine's Day.
16. I had a Valentine's Day date with Greg.
17. I saw The Spiderwick Chronicles.
18. I saw Jumper.
19. I went with Greg to a presentation of the documentary films It's Elementary: Talking About Gay Issues in School (from 1996) and the 2007 follow-up It's Still Elementary, which were presented by the Safe Schools Coalition.
20. I started to try to plot my dissertation prospectus.
21. I taught my ENGL 111: Critical Approaches to Harry Potter class again for the Spring Quarter.
22. I took a trip with Greg to San Francisco in late March. I wanted to visit my sister, take a little vacation, and hang out with Greg. It was a really great trip.
23. While in SF, Greg and I stayed at a fancy, boutique hotel called Hotel Triton.
24. I visited the De Young Fine Arts Museum of San Francisco for the first time ever.
25. I went to the ocean while in SF. It is one of my most favorite things to do.
26. While visiting with my sister, she took Greg and I to explore and to wine-taste in Sonoma.
27. We went to the Roshambo winery.
28. We went to the Benziger winery.
29. We went to the Kunde winery.
30. I had a burrito from the Mission, from Taqueria Cancun. Yum.
31. Greg and I reached three months together.
32. I worked on an article on composition and computer games for Computers and Composition Online.
33. I attended a Queer Worlds lecture by Elizabeth Povinelli called "The Obligations of Intimacy."
34. I was an officer for the English Department's Graduate Student Organization.
35. I attended my friend Andrew's annual kegger, where I created my first ever "chipscape."
36. I saw Iron Man, which I liked a lot.
37. I helped launch the English GSO's wiki on departmental procedures, information, and lore.
38. I turned 38.
39. I was not rehired for the Early Fall Start GIS 140: Writing Ready program, even though I put in two good years with them, but I was hired as an instructor for the GIS 140 athletes program.
40. I saw Speed Racer.
41. I attended a "mandatory" meeting for all TAs on "power, harassment, and violence" in the classroom.
42. Greg and I went to see a film during the Seattle International Film Festival called Chris & Don: A Love Story, about Christopher Isherwood and Don Bachardy.
43. I continue to think about my dissertation and prospectus. I write the first draft of my prospectus and turn it in at the end of Spring Quarter.
44. I saw Sex and the City: The Movie.
45. I helped revise and rename the GIS 140 athletes program, now called Summer LEAP.
46. I saw The Incredible Hulk.
47. I succumbed to post-exam laziness, which turned into ennui, which turned into full-blown post-traumatic, post-partum depression. I had a lot of anxiety dreams about my dissertation and prospectus revision, which remained fallow for most of the summer and fall.
48. Greg and I attended Seattle Pride. It was Greg's first Pride.
49. I rode the Seattle Monorail for the first time ever.
50. Greg and I reached six months together.
51. I went out a lot, mainly with Greg. I ate at some new restaurants.
52. I celebrated July 4th at "Minorval" with Greg and friends.
53. I taught GIS 140 for the Summer LEAP program for incoming student athletes. My roommate and friend Jane was my co-instructor.
54. I saw WALL-E.
55. I saw Hancock.
56. As part of the Summer LEAP class, we took the students to Pike Place Market.
57. We also took the students to Chinatown/International District. I went to the Wing Luke Asian Museum for the first time.
58. We also took the students to Capitol Hill. I designed a very ambitious photo scavenger hunt for them to do.
59. I went to Emerald Downs, the horse track, for Jason's birthday. I bet on the horse races for the first time. Alas, I lost more than I won, but it was totally fun.
60. I watched a lot of Star Trek: Voyager on TV.
61. I watched a lot of Bravo TV, including Project Runway Season 5 and Flipping Out Season 2 and of course Top Chef Season 5.
62. I played a lot of games at kongregate.com.
63. I watched some of the Summer Olympics, including a couple of gold medal events.
64. I saw Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2.
65. I wrote a lot of scribbles and notes about my dissertation and prospectus revision, but the wallowing and the writer's block continued.
66. I continued to run, walk, and exercise. 67. I saw I.O.U.S.A..
68. I went to a mixer for the incoming grad students at the Roanoke Tavern.
69. I got dumped by Greg, just shy of eight months. He wanted to date someone else, which he discovered was not what he wanted, and we reconciled a few weeks later.
70. I went to a "Family Science" lecture featuring physicist Brian Greene at Town Hall Seattle.
71. I saw Slavoj Zizek speak on "violence" at Town Hall Seattle.
72. I participated in the ENGL 111 orientation on a panel with Jane.
73. I attended Penny Arcade Expo 2008 with my sister, friends from back east, and some WoW friends.
74. I taught ENGL 250 B: Introduction to American Literature: "The American Imagination" for Autumn quarter.
75. I taught CHID 496 E: Focus Group: "Paper & Dice 101: Tabletop Gaming as Storytelling" for Autumn Quarter, too.
76. Greg and I reached nine months together, though we spent about a month "on a break." What kind of break? Ask Rachel or Ross.
77. I started therapy at UW's Mental Health Clinic. I spend much of fall quarter trying to figure out myself, my life, my project, and my self. A lot of soul searching. A lot of going back to old bad habits of self, of self deprecation, of self sabotage. And a lot of remembering and revising new good habits of self, of self valuation, and self help.
78. I was an officer for and helped rename the queer grad student group at UW. I built the QGrads (formerly called BOHGOF) website.
79. I started my thirtieth journal.
80. I took out a personal ad in the Stranger's Lovelab.
81. Greg got us full passes to the Seattle Gay and Lesbian Film Festival. We went to the opening film and gala and attended seven other screenings of shorts and full-length films.
82. I watched a man commit suicide (and make a statement of protest) by setting himself on fire in Red Square at UW.
83. I went to two Halloween parties with Greg.
84. I voted for Obama and I attended an election night party with Greg at a big gay mansion.
85. I saw W.. 86. I attended the Safe Zone Train the Trainer meeting at UW's Q Center. I can now help run Safe Zone trainings.
87. I co-wrote the GSO Self-Study report, as part of the departmental review process.
88. I did not attend my twenty year high school reunion (the flights were just too expensive and I didn't have the time to spare), but I did reconnect with a number of high school people via facebook.com.
89. I attended the Safe Zone Train the Trainer meeting at UW's Q Center. I can now help run Safe Zone trainings.
90. I went with Greg to a roundtable on the economic crisis at Town Hall Seattle.
91. I had Thanksgiving buffet at the Broadway Grill restaurant.
92. I saw Milk.
93. I attended grad pub regularly all year.
94. I watched a lot of Avatar: The Last Airbender. While Jane was completing her PhD exams, we watched Avatar as a way to relax, hang out, and procrastinate. It's really good and fun and cute and well done.
95. Jane and I fought a moth infestation in our apartment.
96. I finished my prospectus revision (finally) and turned it into my chair.
97. I played in the snow that befell Seattle in truck loads.
98. Greg and I took a second trip down to San Francisco for the holidays.
99. We went to the newly reopened and renovated California Academy of Sciences.
100. I went to one day of the MLA 2008 conference. It was madness. I saw my sister present a paper. I ran into a couple of people from UW and a bunch of people from UMD. I will be going next year hopefully to get a job.
101. Greg and I celebrated one year together.

There are probably a lot more things that I could add to the list, a bunch of things could be exploded into smaller events and experiences. But this gives a pretty good survey of the year's happenings. A lot went on in 2008. I accomplished a lot. I grew a lot. I learned a lot. And I experienced a lot. Here's to 2009!

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"pneumonia" | wednesday | january 7, 2009 | 11:01 am

T HASN'T BEEN A FULL WEEK YET SINCE THE START OF THE YEAR AND ALREADY IT'S BEEN A DOOZY! The past seven days have been intense in ways that only a Stanley Kubrick film could convey -- all volumes and movements and angles and tracking shots, all emotions rendered as part of the landscape, and the landscape casts long and deep shadows on all of its inhabitants. The past week has been a challenge and a new experience for my sensorium. So, where should I begin?

From Christmas to December 29, I took a short trip down to San Francisco with Greg just to get away from Seattle, to have a little holigay, and to visit my sister. We almost didn't get out of the city because of all the snow. We got up early Christmas Day, drove down to the airport, and found that there was no short, mid, long term parking anywhere. Rather than take our chances and given we had an early headstart, we drove back up to the city, parked Greg's truck at my house, and got a taxi down the airport. It was smooth flying from there (given a short delay). Pictures of the trip are here.

The overall trip was great. We did a lot of things, saw a lot of things, shopped a lot of things, and hung out a lot. Exactly what the doctor ordered. I even stopped in on the last day of the trip, Monday, to the Modern Language Association's annual conference; I just wanted to hear Alenda give her paper and then duck out. I did run into a few people from both UW and UMD. It was a very frantic conference. I do not look forward to having to do that gauntlet this year for the job market. Monday afternoon, we headed to the airport for our flight back. And it hit me like a bouquet of sledgehammers. I got achy, stiff, chilled, fevery, sore throaty, sinusy all at once. It felt like the flu.

Over the following week, my symptoms seemed to subside and come back, subside and come back. New Year's Eve was curtailed by the fact that I just felt downright crummy. The end of the week came, and I kind of knew that I should go into see the Health Center. But, I felt so bad and so alone that I didn't want to trek by bus all the way to campus. When the weekend hit, my fever hit astonishing highs and depths, though my sore throat was gone. Basically, I had had a running temperature between normal and 103 for a week. Something was very not right. Alas, the Health Center is not open over the weekend. I would have to go to the ER, which I was loathe to do. I called a counsulting nurse and she was nice but not very helpful. So, I decided to ride it till Monday. The night between Sunday and Monday was probably the worst I've felt in a long time. My fever was so crazy and I had sweated so much that I woke up literally in a puddle with everything slick to the touch. Hideous.

Monday morning, I went in, barely taught and introduced my syllabus to the class, and then headed straight to the Health Center. I was seen pretty quickly, and right off the bat, my vitals were alarmingly high. Temperature: 103. Pulse: 131. Blood pressure: high. Signs of extreme dehydration. The doctor immediately put me on a nebulizer and on a saline IV to get my hydrated as bloodwork was done. Then I had to get chest x-rays. It turns out that I had pneumonia but only in my left lung. Intravenous antibiotics were given, more tests, more questions, more vitals checking. Over a period of about seven hours, I did cool down, I did calm down, I did level out a little. But my ability to draw in enough oxygen was still severely compromised. The doctor felt that I should get admitted to the hospital for further care and for observation.

So, I got medically admitted to the UW Medical Center. Greg came to pick me up from school and escorted me over to the hospital. I was given my own room. And the same battery of questions, examinations, pokings and proddings started all over again. It's a teaching hospital, so I had the whole Grey's Anatomy thing going on, too. It wasn't too bad. Greg kept me company for as long as he could (though it was cute that the nurse listed him as family). I got more antibotics. And I had the best night's sleep (which was still interrupted) I had had in a long time.

The next day, I felt better. Still really weak and short of breath. But the doctors decided that I could safely go home. I would be given a regimen of oral antibiotics. I was to rest for the rest of the week. And follow up next week with the Health Center on campus.

The details are left out because I just don't have the energy right now to write them all out. I have just been trying to keep things low-key, low-stress, low-worry. I cancelled the rest of my first week of classes, which I felt horrible doing. I assigned online work the students could do via our class message boards. I updated family and friends. And I have just been convalescing at home like some Victorian woman.

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"joke" | tuesday | january 13, 2009 | 9:32 am

HIS IS A JOKE EMAIL THAT ONE OF THE WOMEN IN THE MAIN ENGLISH OFFICE SENT TO ME. I think she was trying to cheer me up (during my convalescence). I also think that it's one of those "things" where people try to connect with me about my mohawk, to prove to me that they're "cool" with it. It's silly, but it made me smile:

It's cute. Happy new year, indeed. Abundance of laughter, indeed.

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"follow-up" | monday | january 19, 2009 | 10:32 am

IRST OF ALL, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FRIEND JEFF! I hope he is well and has a great day. Second of all, Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day! And third of all, Happy Inauguration Eve! (I'm sure the poetics of the inauguration of Barack Obama falling so close to MLK Day will not be lost, even though such logics bespeak of certain racialized -- if not racist -- hopes and desires and guilt. But, let me be positive and "yes we can"-y for now.)

In other important, national news, it's been about a week since I finished my course of antibiotics. Moxifloxicin. What a great name. I think I should name my next cat Moxiflox or Moxifloxi. I definitely feel better. I no longer feel like I've been dragged through the sewers. Fever is gone. Aches are gone. General well-being is up. Energy is returning. But, I am still resting and recovering and healing. I still have a little bit of a cough, which thanks to an inhaler is lessening each day. And I still can't really exert myself too much. I get tired fast and out of breath fast still.

I went back to work last week. I taught Monday through Thursday. It's been really good to go back to my routine and back into the classroom. I was feeling bad for having to cancel the first week of classes. And I was worried that we wouldn't be able to get caught up. But things are moving along swimmingly. I think we're back on track. Though, I must admit that I have never taught this class before, and I am learning as much as my students are about how to structure things, about the readings and the game texts, and about what it means to study, do, use, analyze, and understand "cultural studies." I've framed my class with the idea that we'll look at certain cultural studies terms, ideas, interventions, and keywords as we dive into "virtual world" and "video game" texts. In other words, the games we play and the texts we explore become the occasions for thinking about cultural studies perspectives and methodologies. But the class is set up so that we're thinking about the texts first, then linking them up to the cultural studies second. It's inductive, but I think productive.

The first part of last week, I just went in to school (early since I go in with Jane, who teaches at 8:30 AM, and I teach at 9:30 AM), taught, and then went home. Walking across campus was more tiring than I expected. On Thursday of last week, I decided to see if I could do a full day. I went in, taught, had office hours, had lunch, hung out, had collegial hours in the afternoon, then went to pub. By the end of the day, I was exhausted. There is something qualitatively different about sitting at home and resting (or "doing nothing") and sitting in my office or on campus resting and "doing nothing." I think it's because at school I am always "on" and talking to students, talking to people, watching my behavior, doing work, thinking about work, being extroverted, and such.

Thursday was also an emotional day because Greg got laid off from work. I was on chat around lunch time, and he told me that he had just lost his job. He called me shortly thereafter to tell me what happened. Basically, his company was downsizing. In his workgroup, he and one another senior person got laid off. It's all about saving money, right? Why pay a senior employee's salary when you can pay someone much less to do the same job? I think it was a shock to him (though he had a feeling the week before about it). It was definitely a shock to me. I thought he was safe given that he worked on key projects and applications for his company. I could tell he was shaken. He's in good shape, though. He's got a generous severance package, and his company is bending over backwards to make the "transition" a good one. Of course, this doesn't mean it doesn't suck to get dumped. Greg met up with me at the pub. We talked. He talked. He commiserated. He vented. I think it was good for him to get out. And I think this can be a good opportunity for him if he's creative, proactive, graceful, and patient. He needs to not take it personally, though. He'll be okay. He'll be more than okay. Besides, he's got good friends, good contacts, lots of experience, family, and me.

The rest of the weekend was pretty much spent just hanging out, decompressing, and doing more of the "resting" thing. Friday night, one of Greg's (former) coworkers had a little gathering at her fancy house on the coast of western Magnolia. It was way out there. The party was "German sausage" themed. Basically, they served different sausages, sauerkraut, pretzels, and German beer and sweets. I brought the fixings for my almost world famous "ginger cape cods," which I should name "Tina Louises" or "Ginger Grants." The party was okay. I was really tired. And I really didn't know anyone there. Plus it was mostly "grown up" types, I guess, consisting of couples and professional world people and such. Even though most of these people are in my age group, I don't feel like I am in their circles and leagues. I'm fine with that, actually, but it makes for awkward conversations. I had a nice time and am glad that I can hang out with Greg and his friends. But afterward it was nice to go home, be quiet, and sleep.

Greg got World of Warcraft as a holiday present from his mom. So, he's been slowly learning how to play the game. We spent the weekend playing together. He made a Draenei warrior named Missoula. I made a Draenei shaman named Ocoro. In just a few days, we've hit level 12. He's still getting used to everything. There's a lot to take in in WoW and a lot to learn how to do. But it's been fun, diverting, and distracting. I think I get a little bossy, though, because much of the game is second nature to me. It's been a really long time since I've met a completely new player to WoW. But Greg's bright and just by playing around he'll get it in no time. Interestingly, I bet a number of my students taking my class will also be WoW newbies, and I'll have to try to find ways to ease them into the game. I think, though, that part of the challenge of learning a game is part of the fun (or can be part of the fun, I should say).

Saturday was spent mostly hanging out and playing WoW. Then we went to see Slumdog Millionaire, which was good but a little rougher than I expected. I also expect the current hype surrounding the movie might do well to be filtered through a little bit of Edward Said. Moreover, the "feel good movie"- and "triumph of the human spirit"-ness of the film does little to stray from conventional narratives about rugged individualism, the "American Dream" or better yet the "Capitalist Dream," and idealized romantic love. That said, I think there are things about the film that are brilliant. I particularly like the actors of the first third of the film; the kids are amazing. The images of the city are staggering and dense. And I love the music, particularly M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes" remix and A. R. Rahman's "Jai Ho" used in the closing credits. I would have liked a little more commentary on issues like class, race, religion, and such. But I very much liked it and recommend it.

Sunday was spent hanging out some more. Greg and I did head up to Alderwood to check out the Circuit City "going out of business" sale -- which alas was not really a sale and the quality of the store seriously bespoke of why the company was bell up. I did pick up a few things, but for the most part the sale prices couldn't beat Amazon's regular prices or Best Buy's prices or even Target's everyday prices. After Circuit "Shitty," we hit up our favorite gay-for-pay store, Target. We went there mostly for household sundries, but I did manage to pick up a couple of really good deals on an orange hoodie, a shirt, and a vest (though I think I'm going to have to take the vest back because everyone says it makes me look like I'm trying to be a gangster). The rest of Sunday was spent WoWing.

Now, it's Monday. A day off. And I'm trying to get caught up with some little projects here and there. That's about it. Hopefully, it'll be a good week and a good rest of the month. Chinese New Year is next Monday. I hope for a better new year than the one I just had. More soon.

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"ox" | monday | january 26, 2009 | 1:19 pm

APPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! Happy Year of the Ox! (I was thinking earlier this morning that this politically correct move to calling Chinese New Year the Lunar New Year is both inaccurate and totalizing of all "Asian" or "lunar" cultures. After all, the Chinese lunar calendar is not the same as the Jewish lunar calendar is not the same as the Wiccan lunar calendar and so on. So, why with the bland multiculturalism of "Lunar New Year?" Well, we all probably know the answer to that one, kids.) Barack Obama is an Ox -- how fortuitious! Let's just hope the year ahead will not be too challenging.

As for me, according to the Feng Shui Store, I am to expect a generally good year:

Being a Dog myself I am really looking forward to 2009 and overall it will be a good year with a few ups and downs, play your cards right and follow all the advice here along with the annual stars, the year 2009 should be good for wealth, career and general luck. Those Dogs born in 1934 and 1982 need to be careful in relationships especially if they are married, spend more time this year with your partner as your potential success for the year can cause you to overlook people that are important and this will cause you problems. Unmarried Dogs born in other years can expect new relationships and even rekindle existing ones. Your year will be busy but leave some time for play and make sure you take plenty of rest. Those Dogs born in 1958 (me) and 1970 will have a fantastic year and you can expect amazing opportunities in wealth and business. If you were born 1958 (me again) you must take time out to relax and watch what you eat.

Your busy lifestyle can cause you stomach problems this year so please be careful, I would place a brass Wu Lou beside your bed especially if it is located in the north or west. You should be careful signing contracts this year so make sure you read all the small print and do not let yourself be conned by someone sweet or fast talking.

With regards to wealth, business and career, 2009 can be a year of seeds you planted over the last few years which will now blossom, so please make the most of this year as the wind is behind you; this is particularly true for Dogs born in 1958. Do not think though that all this means you can just sit back and let the good times happen, hard work is still needed by you. Young Dogs born in 1994 will do well this year but they should ideally carry an image of a Rabbit for protection, as should all Dogs in 2009. This is a great year to reflect on your life and be honest with yourself, our true character is what we do when we think no one is looking, be true to yourself and help as many people as you can in 2009, you will get real rewards from this, read my words again, this could change your life and expect good changes in 2009, reputation is what the world thinks a person is; character is what they really are. Enjoy your year, it will be great.

According to Chinese Fortune Calendar:

Last year, Dog people should have a better Rat year than most of people. They should be satisfied for their achievement. Even their friends or relatives around should be proud of Dog people's performance. In 2009, Dog people still have Lucky Stars coming, surrounding and supporting them. But the Unlucky Stars will come stronger than 2008. The fortune of Dog people in 2009 will inevitably fall down a little bit. However, Dog people have the character of loyalty, diligence, frank and honest. Therefore, they shouldn't have too bad year in the year of the Cow.

Career: Year 2009, there are two Lucky Stars and two Unlucky Star related to career are coming into your life. The signs show the events of disagreement, argument, conflict or resentment will come and bring you trouble. Therefore, you have to pay attention on your words and deeds. You need to focus more on people relationship. As long as you keep your sincere attitude, hardworking spirit and perseverance character, then you should be able to overcome any obstacle, challenge, confrontation and difficulty from your job in 2009.

Money: One Lucky Star shows you have a good money luck in 2009. But your money luck is connected to the career luck. You have career opportunity in 2009, but the career luck is not stable. Autumn is a better time for your career luck, but not the Summer. As long as you can save your job position, then you should have the stable income. Remember that your money luck this year is not the easy money, you need to work hard to earn it.

Love: There is no Love Star or Happy Star coming for Dog people. But there is a Lonely Star appearing in 2009. That means your love relationship wont' be smooth in the year of Cow. If you are a senior, then you have to pay attention on your spouse's health. You need to take your spouse to visit doctor whenever he or she feels uncomfortable. If you are married, you might have more quarrel with your spouse this year. If you are in love, you might be lack of chemistry with your companion. If there is a third person involved, then your relationship will be in trouble. If you are still single, then you might have one or two love opportunities coming to you in the Cow year, but the relationship won't last too long.

Health: Your job responsibility will increase in 2009. You will have more daily tasks in your position and you need more energy and spirit to handle those heavy job. The mental pressure will come together, then you won't have a good sleeping rest. Next, you will be losing your health and have more chances to get sick. Also, the poor relationship in love will affect your emotion and let you feel depressed. This is purely psychological problem. If you can understand that this is not a long term obstacle and learn how to relax yourself, you should be able to solve this problem.

Fortune: Dog people have a fair luck in the year of Cow, since they have Lucky Stars supporting them and Unlucky stars disturbing them. That means you will have some good time and some hard time. Everything won't be as smooth as you expect. But don't use this as a excuse for frustration or despair. You just have to spend more time to reach your goal. To double your efforts today will let you become more competitive when the opportunity comes tomorrow. In the company, you should keep your profile low, stay away from people giving you trouble and do not have any argument with your enemy. In the money area, don't be too greedy and do not have any risky investment. As long as focusing on your work, you will earn your return. For your love, you need more proactive in communication to build and maintain a solid relationship. For your health, you need to look for more time to rest, and then your health will improve.

I wonder if it matters that I am a Taurus in the Western zodiac? Xin nian kuai le, everyone!

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