"musings on stuff" | monday | may 1, 2006 | 9:08 am

T'S MAY. I sometimes think I spend way too much time thinking about time. I remember a study I participated in once, back at Maryland, that was about perception of time in relation to getting older. I think the general hypothesis was that as a person gets older their perception of time "moving faster" became more and more pronounced. Makes common sense, right? (Of course, it has to do with the fact that after a certain age, you realize that life is just the eventual hurtling towards death. I know, I know, overly dramatic. But still.) It probably doesn't help that I've been reading T.S. Eliot's and W. H. Auden's poetry for class; the modernists were definitely concerned with the apprehension and understanding of time. The end result, study or not, is that I am thinking a lot about the hours, days, months, and years that seem to be passing faster and faster.

The past couple of weeks have been up and down. Fast and slow. School has been all right. Busy with reading and trying to stay a little bit ahead of the game. It's midterm already. Time to think about my seminar papers due in a month or so. I've already started a little bit of research. Classes are pretty relaxed. Teaching is going all right, though my students (yet again) are finding the concepts about diversity and multiculturalism difficult. I had conferences with students last week; they're working on their first major paper, and some of them are stressed out about it, which in turn makes me stressed out.

Last weekend (not this past one), the last weekend of last month, my friend Nancy was in town for work, a conference, and crashed out Saturday night through Monday morning with me before flying back east. It was really nice to see her, to hang out and catch up, and to show her more of Seattle. We ate a lot of yummy food (notably at the pricy but tasty Tango (1100 Pike Street) and Coastal Kitchen (429 15th Avenue E)), had drinks (at the Cuff (1533 13th Avenue), where Nancy got her ass grabbed by a really drunk bear, and Purr (1518 11th Avenue), and did a little bit of sightseeing.

Other highlights of the past weeks include going to a bar for my geography class; the professor thought it was a great idea to go to the historic Double Header (double entendre galore), which is the oldest existant gay bar in the city, though it seems to have changed clientele since the 60s (with the building of the new stadium), though there are still faded pictures of butch lesbians and men in drag on the walls. The class was reading Gary L. Atkins' Gay Seattle, which is a very interesting genealogy of gay life, spaces, places, and history in Seattle. The Double Header is one of those places.

I also went to a English sponsored talk about the "state of the department" given by Katherine Hayles (who famously wrote How We Became Posthuman and other science/humanities must-reads). It was an interesting talk. Basically, our department--like departments across the country--are trying to figure out how to stay competative and valuable and intelligible in a day and age when the humanities are struggling for attention, for legitimacy, for students, and for funding. Hayles was very friendly, cogent, almost grandmotherly, though I don't think I would ever say that to her face. I got to meet a bunch of faculty whom I have never seen before. I also ran into the grad department chair and my faculty advisor, both of whom I have yet to ask to be on my committee. But, one step at a time.

But life hasn't been all work. I play. A lot. Probably entirely too, too much. In fact, I am thinking about a moratorium on drinking. Though, as drunk logic dictates, anyone who claims they are going to stop drinking (methinks I do protest too much) is only postponing the inevitable. I have too many friends and compatriots here who enjoy the night out at the pub. A lot. Probably entirely too, to many friends, in fact. But graduate students, if you didn't know, depend a great deal on their cohort and on their ability to cleave away from graduate life--one way, alas, is through the drink. The last four or five weeks I have gone drinking at least three to five times a week. A week! There was Andrew's kegger, the week trips to the College Inn, and various other excursions out. This past weekend alone consisted of Thursday night at College Inn (which graduated to the Cuff), Friday night out for my friend Curtis's birthday at Murphy's (which graduated to SeaMonster (2202 N. 45th Street) and then to Dick's afterward for burgers), and Saturday night out with my friend Jane (we went to my friend Calla's housewarming, then the Cuff, then Madison Pub). Crazy. Granted not every single night out is to the point of smashedness. My body is definitely not a happy camper. So, I should stop for the time being. Alas, alack, my birthday is coming up this weekend. So much for my protestations.

My birthday is the cause for some consternation. I don't know exactly why, except for the usual "I'm getting old" insecurities. I think it's a combination of things: getting older, being in a new city, being far from old friends and family, being interminably single, being a graduate student (still), being poor, being unsettled. My friend Melanie called up last night to ask me a question about one of her students and the conversation turned to my birthday, to which I politely said I wasn't feeling very chipper and didn't want to talk about it. I know that kind of put her off. But I will come around. I just need to sort through some things, and in the end, say fuck it and go one with my life anyway. (It doesn't help that this past weekend has been once again trying with my upstairs neighbors, who have woken me up at odd hours with their stomping about or playing the electric guitar. I need to move.)

More later.

     Time present and time past
     Are both perhaps present in time future
     And time future contained in time past.
     If all time is eternally present
     All time is unredeemable.
     Remaining a perpetual possibility
     Only in a world of speculation.
     What might have been and what has been
     Point to one end, which is always present.
     Footfalls echo in the memory
     Down the passage which we did not take
     Towards the door we never opened
     Into the rose-garden. My words echo
     Thus, in your mind.
                         --T.S. Eliot, "Burnt Norton"

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"happy birthday, mr. president" | saturday | may 6, 2006 | 11:10 am

DSTRAVAGANZA 2006 IS WELL UNDER WAY. Yep. Today is my birthday. Do I feel older? A little. But as I said before, I think I feel older a little bit every day. I'm tired, too. Today is the third day of the 'EDstravaganza', which started on Thursday. Details are forthcoming. But, here are my natal day predictions for today and beyond:

From Yahoo!: "For a satisfying day, build your ideas into something solid -- creativity is strong." and "It's time to nip a growing problem in the bud by taking immediate and positive action. To be on the safe side take a few moments beforehand to make sure that you're considering all the long-term ramifications."

About love: "This is it -- there's great fun to be had, and you will endear yourself to just about anyone in range. Try to make sure that you've got someone watching when you head out tonight."

For career: "The stars say work should go well now, but that's not all there is to life. If you're willing to take a chance on romance, the returns could be extremely beneficial for your overall morale."

Amen to that!

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"a whole lot of something going on" | wednesday | may 17, 2006 | 10:18 pm

OOK, A MID-WEEK POST. It's going to be a short one, though. The hour's getting late, and even though it's not quite half-past ten yet, I'm beat-down tired. It's been a pretty full, mentally taxing day. Between conferencing with my students, reading for upcoming papers, and just trying to stay relaxed in the face of the end of the quarter, I don't have much energy left. Bed will be a good thing. (And I hope that the powers that be will be kind and let me actually get some solid sleep tonight.) It seems that since the end of my birthday weekend, all the stops were taken out, and life (mainly school) has nosed into overdrive. There is less than three weeks to go in the quarter. I have two 15-20 page seminar papers to write, a class to wrap up and grading to do, and sundry other end of the term duties. I hope to get my papers done early. Of course, that means freaking out early. I'm going to try to get a fuller update in sometime this weekend. For now, goodnight.

More later.

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