"go west" | monday | july 4, 2005 | 6:11 am

'M LEAVING ON A JET PLANE. In about twenty minutes, I'll be headed to the airport to head to Seattle for nearly a week. The plan is to go out there, explore a little, get the lay of the land, and find a place to live. Five days. I hope it's enough time. I hope I get lucky. And I hope the trip is a good one, a fulfilling one, and a restful one. Updates from the yellow brick road. This Dorothy is headed to the Emerald City!

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"sleepless in seattle" | monday | july 12, 2005 | 9:01 am

ART ONE. It's been over a week since I've returned from my visit out to Seattle, and I'm still recovering from a long, tiring, sometimes difficult week. Overall, the visit (which wasn't exactly a vacation for me) was a good one. Very fun. Very cool. It was great to get away from the heat and humidity and humdrum of the East Coast. I left for Seattle on the morning of July 4, which was the end of a long weekend in of itself. The Saturday before my trip, one of my neighbors (a townhouse across from me) had a party that successfully kept me up till four in the morning and annoyed me to no end. Loud music. Drunken singing. Cat-calling and whistling. For hours and hours and hours. I was shocked that none of the other neighbors cared a whit, or they didn't seem to care anyway. I called the cops to no real avail. Exhaustion eventually dragged me off to sleep. So, I started my trip with my sleep cycle all askew.

On Monday morning, my friend Skinner picked me up early and drove me to the airport, to BWI. Security was pretty easy. It's the first time I haven't been pulled aside and meticulously searched. All the while I was in line I kept thinking about the pair of tweezers I had in my carry-on. Airports and the whole hyper- (yet highly selective, almost OCD-selective) security make you freak out about the oddest things. I flew Northwest. The flight was fine. I read Harry Potter most of the trip. I had a short layover, plane-change in Minneapolis. It was nice to have a little break in the middle. It made the legs of the flight seem less onerous and fidgety. The most notable bit about flying was the gaggle of people with Minnesotan accents sitting around me, chatting, ya-yaing, and such. It was amusing. I got into to SEA in the early afternoon.

My friend Deb, who graduated from my program last year, was dropping a friend of hers off at the airport just about the time I got in. So, she simply made a houseguest switch. We drove from the airport to her house in the Wallingford neighborhood of Seattle, which is northwest of downtown and sort of above Lake Union. Deb lives in a small house with two other women, Natalie and Bromley, a 'fraidy dog named Ruby, and two cats, Guinness and Valhalla (who are boyfriends, it seems).

The rest of July 4 was spent getting ready for a BBQ at the girls' house. Food was made. Beer was bought. Grilling happened. Of course, I didn't know a soul at the little party, but it was nice, very relaxed, fun. I ate too much but managed not to drink too much. After dinner, the group en masse played with sparklers and lit a few fireworks. Then we walked a dozen or so blocks to an overpass over I-5 to watch the big fireworks going on around the city. It was a nice night. The weather was clear, cool, and not humid at all. I was so tired though. After the weekend of no sleep and a day of traveling and staying up way later than my Eastern time bedtime, I was ready to crash. While standing on the overpass, surrounded by people, and buffeted by the rush and sound of rushing traffic, I had a little panic attack. I was in a strange city. I was with people I barely knew. I was on the brink of a big move, starting a new program, leaving a lot of friends and familiarity. I think my tired, tired brain just lost it. It was good to trundle home, inflate the air mattress, and just sleep.

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ART TWO. I slept surprisingly well. Normally, I don't get much sleep when I'm in a strange place, a strange bed. But I think the combination of being extra tired, eating lots, and drinking just knocked me flat. Sometime around 5 AM, Guinness (Bromley's cat) woke me up wanting to go outside. So I let him out (since he probably wanted to go find Valhalla or something). Then went back to sleep even though it was already light outside. A couple of hours later, Guinness woke me up again meowing outside the front window and front door, which was only a few feet from my head. So I got up and let him in (so he could eat some food). By then, the roommates were getting up and getting ready for work. I had leftover peach pie for breakfast.

Once the ladies had left for their days, I got up, got cleaned up, and did some searching online for apartments. Armed with my maps, my listings, and my satchel, I walked from Wallingford to the University District, which is "just" east across I-5. The University of Washington was about a thirty minute walk away. It was a beautiful day. Sunny, clear, warm but not hot. It was fun to walk places, to find things accessible without need of a car. University of Washington is a big campus, treed, with winding streets, and built atop a hill overlooking water (Portage Bay and Union Bay). It has the look of what people think a university should look like -- ivy-covered stately buildings, castle-like, stone and stained-glass, crennellated, manicured lawns, gardens, fountains. Of course, being on the West Coast, there were old-looking buildings mixed in with very contemporary ones. It's a very different feel than the Georgian, neo-classical, Colonial brick and white trim buildlings of University of Maryland. I wanted to drop in to the English grad office, but when I got to Padelford Hall, the office was closed. (Plus, what's the deal with English departments being stuck in dark, slightly dingy and dungeony buildings?) So, I just walked around campus, visited the student union, the HUB (Huskies Union Building), and even got to see Mt. Rainier from the vista point on campus. Then I found my way to the bus stop to take the #49 south to Capitol Hill.

I like riding the bus. It's just relaxing to me (at least it is usually when there aren't crazy people doing crazy things on it). The bus ride to the Capitol Hill took only about twenty minutes. Capitol Hill is a neighborhood northeast of downtown Seattle and is considered the predominantly queer or gay area of the city. It's the neighborhood I want to live in. I spent most of the day walking all around Capitol Hill. Up and down the streets. Looking at buildings, calling about apartments, and getting a lay of the land. It was a good day, but a tiring one. Most of the places I found were either too expensive, not what I wanted, or were in a sketchy place. I figured (much like my move to San Francisco) that since I was going through all the trouble of moving 3,000 miles that I would live only where I wanted to live. Why settle? (Or at least settle too easily, too soon?) It was a stressful day, though. I really like being in the city, a city. But I couldn't help but just freak out a little about the whole situation. I kept asking myself if what I was doing was the right thing to do, the right thing for me.

Later that afternoon, I took a bus downtown (to the skyscrapery part of Seattle). I popped into Ross hoping to find a light jacket to buy since I had been totally spazzed and forgot to bring one. Alas, Ross did not offer up anything good, jacket or whatnot. Afterward, I took the #26 back to Wallingford and back to the house. Deb came home and we set out by car back to the Capitol Hill area. We looked at a couple of apartments. One apartment was a really spacious, really nice basement 1BR with a brand new kitchen, big rooms, washer and dryer, and its own entrance; alas, it was way out of my price range at $825/month. We looked at a couple of other places that seemed to pale in comparison. We also drove by a building that was offering a pretty good deal for an apartment, but it looked rather shabby from the outside. Who knows what it looked like inside? I would have to go back to and check it out. Deb and I then had a great dinner at a little Pho place, which I had been to before actually and was delicious and cheap. It started to drizzle a little and get chilly (and me without a jacket). We drove into downtown and had a drink or two at one of Deb's favorites, the Lava Lounge. It was a quiet (and early) evening and there weren't many people in it. But it was cool. Tiki. Hip. From there, we headed home. After a day full of walking, I was ready once again for beddy-bye.

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ART THREE. One thing Seattle has taught me is that I am completely, utterly, perhaps ashamedly out of shape. I had no idea my body could protest moving as much as it did that Wednesday. I guess that's what happens when you spend five or so hours walking, climbing hills, and taking stairs. It's a good burn, right? I was totally sore. And I had another full day of walking ahead of me, too. I got up on Wednesay, got cleaned up, saw the girls off to work, and then headed back down to UW. I was going to take a bus, given my condition, but there really isn't a good, direct way to get from Wallingford to the U-district besides walking. So, walk I did.

This time the English grad office was open. I met with one of the administrative staff people named Kathy. She was very kind and welcoming. She told me a little bit about the department, showed me around, and had me fill out some paperwork. The summer, like at most other places, is really quiet. There were very few people about except for some staff. I did run into a couple of grad students, said hello, and just looked around the building. I will be teaching UW's equivalent to English 101. Should be fun, or at least different. The great thing about the visit was that Kathy told me they had a little bit of money leftover for travel expenditures from the previous school year. $87, in fact. Since I was visiting, ostensibly to get ready for school, they gave the money to me to help me defray my travel cost. It was a nice windfall and demonstrated to me that the department was very cool, very kind. After leaving Padelford, I walked around the campus again taking some pictures (like the dork that I am).

From UW, I bussed down to Capitol Hill. I decided to widen my search area a little bit and took to the streets a few over from Broadway, the main drag down the middle of the neighborhood. On the northern end of Broadway, I stopped in to a little coffee shop called Joe Bar, which is perhaps my most favorite little java joint in the city (to date). I had been to Joe Bar during my last and only other visit to Seattle a few years back. It was good to see that it was still existant and doing well. Of course it helps that Joe Bar makes excellent coffee and its clientele and employees are cute, friendly, helpful, and did I say cute? It seems a fine selection of tall, lanky, shavy headed boys frequent the place, even more reason to like it and want to stake it out. I haven't quite figured out Seattle men yet. But there is definitely a certain taxonomy of Seattle guys. There's the neo-hippie. There's the huppie, a subset of neo-hippie, that is hippie-yuppie. There's the outdoorsman, grizzly guy. There's the indie, scruffy, rocker hipster. Of course, there are the traditional models as well. Sadly, there is just a little too much facial hair in Seattle for my liking. Perhaps my tastes will change. But there's definitely possibility (though my chances at vacation booty were slim to none, it seems).

Wednesday's apartment hunting did not yield very much. Most of the listings were the same ones from a day or two before recycled through. I did manage to get a hold of the shambly apartment's (otherwise known as the "Kahala" building) manager or agent. The phone conversation was very stilted and strange. It was like talking to a slightly doddering grandfather. He told me about the building, misheard my questions, and the conversation ended with him wishing me luck on finding another place. It was very odd. I decided I would just email him since he seemed to understand me more via text. After more walking, my body screaming for a break, I headed home on the bus. At home, I decided to take the leftovers of the July 4 BBQ and make some delicious vegetable chowder. I wanted to cook for Deb and her roommates since they were so good to let me crash in their space. We went out and got a few more supplies. Then I made a big pot of creamy soup full of potato, onion, mushroom, garlic, zuccini, carrot, fresh corn, collard greens, and a tiny bit of sausage. I served it in a big bowl over a piece of toasted, garlic-rubbed, olive oil-drizzled bruschetta bread. It was delicious, actually.

After dinner, Deb and I headed out to Capitol Hill again. We drove around a little looking at buildings, but I was ready to just take the evening off and play a little. I wanted to go to Neighbours, a gay bar and club on the southern end of Broadway. Unfortunately, we got there around 9 PM and it was dead empty. So, we walked up the street and went to a bar called Linda's Tavern, a self-styled Montanan western bar. It was pretty divy, but cool. Very smokey. Deb said that Seattle was trying to pass a smoking ban, but it hadn't gone through yet. I was surprised that one of the most liberal, health-conscious, people-conscious places hadn't done so yet. There were a lot of the indie, scruffy, hipster types (both men and women) at Linda's. After that, we walked across the street to R Place, a pub and dance club. There was a little more drinking, a lot of dancing, a drag queen performance, porno-karaoke, and gay men in their underwear being hosed down by water guns. Deb and I had not set out for a wild and crazy evening but somehow managed to find one. It was good, though. Much fun. (Though it seems R Place is where most of the "standard" model gay men hang out, at least on a Wednesday night.) Alas, my attempts to flirt with a cute guy did not end in any kind of sex or candy.

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ART FOUR. Thursday morning was a slow, slow morning. Again, I must have been super tired because I was sleeping pretty well each night. And after a night of drinking I slept a lot and I slept in. My first hangover in Seattle (and I'm sure there will be more to come. My body was not happy with all of the sudden exercise and dancing and staying up late. But it was worth it. I spent most of Thursday hanging out, walking around some more, looking for apartments, and hanging out at Joe Bar. I realized that given how much I wanted to pay and the neighborhood I wanted to live in the final criteria was location, location, location. I would find a place that was in a good area but it was either too expensive or small (when compared to a larger apartment for less or the same price) or was the right price but farther off the beaten path than I wanted. I also just had too many choices and that was a little daunting. After walking around Capitol Hill, I headed downtown to catch the bus back up to the house. While waiting for the bus, a guy on a bike rode up to me and asked me, "Didn't I just see you on Capitol Hill?" I said, "Yep." He replied, "I saw you twice in one day." I said, "It's a small world." And he rode away strangely happy, pleased that he had seen me twice. Very strange. Friendly, but strange. At home, I just watched some TV. We ordered pizza. Then Deb and I went out locally to the Little Red Hen, a country-western bar full of mostly older clientele (though there was a youngish guy gussied up like a 1950s greaser). It was okay. This blue-green mohawked guy felt a teensy bit out of place. We had a drink there and then headed over to the Blue Moon Tavern, which was grungier, divier, and full of grungier, divier people. It was more my speed. We had a drink there and then went home to crash. Ed was tired. Deb was tired. Sleep was good.

Friday was my last day in Seattle. It was raining when I got up. And chilly. And I didn't have a jacket. So, I decided to just stay in and hang out and recover a little. I had to stay off my feet. I watched TV all day. I searched for apartments online and made a few phone calls. But the day was a slow one, and it was much needed. When Deb got home from work, we headed out to Capitol Hill. I had a meeting with the director of Graduate English Kate Cummings. We met up at a little bistro called Septieme. Deb came with. We chatted about grad school. It was a little stressful because it brought up all my insecurities about the move, about the PhD, about starting at a new school. But I'm glad to have met Kate Cummings face-to-face. After Septieme, we walked up the street to see the shambly apartment, the Kahala. The apartment is a good price, in a great location, but the building was just a bit worn. I figured I would see the inside before making any decisions. The building manager, Leslie, met us at the door and showed us around the place. The Kahala (it's Hawai'ian inspired name is clue enough to conjure The Brady Bunch "Hawaii Bound") was once a resort hotel converted to apartments. It is old, cheesy, and very retro. Nothing says classy like wood paneling! Though a little musty, the apartment was of decent size, had a good-sized kitchen (complete with brand new fridge and a teal stovetop), lots of closet space, and a balcony. The carpet was totally worn and the kitchen tile was pitted, but the bathroom (albeit retro pink) was clean and there was no signs of vermin. It wasn't perfect, but it might do as a first apartment in the city. After the walk-through, I took Deb out to dinner for sushi at Aoki. It was yummy (and relatively inexpensive). After dinner, we drove over to Seattle Center to walk around the Space Needle and the Experience Music Project building. I had some time to kill before heading to the airport. Around 10 PM, we drove down to SEA-TAC and I bid Seattle till-we-meet-again.

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"dog days of summer" | saturday | july 23, 2005 | 1:00 pm

VERYTHING IS A BLUR. The past two weeks have flown by, and I am careening headlong into my move across country that I have no idea if I can find the brakes in time to slow down, get sorted, and do things right. I have to get my next few weeks under control. The holding pattern is about to end. I can feel it. And I have to be ready with whatever life signals me to do.

—The week I returned from Seattle was a little rough. I took a redeye home on a Friday night and got into BWI on Saturday morning. My pal Ranetta, from school, picked me up. I hadn't seen her in weeks and weeks, so the ride was a good excuse to hang out a little bit. I should have tried to get some sleep when I got home from the airport. I only slept a few winks on the plane. But with the sun up and things to get done, I just couldn't fall asleep. That Saturday night, we played Call of Cthulhu, part of a three-night final hurrah before I move to Seattle. The preparation for the adventure has been fun and the most intricate of any game I've run including inventing dossier packets for each character like this one.

—Of course, after a long whirlwind trip and not sleeping much, I get sick. Cough, sore throat, sinus pain. I think allergies added to the mix. It's been two weeks and I still have a lingering, chesty cough.

—The week I got back was spent at work, advising for summer orientations, and getting ready for teaching a three-week, intensive prep class for my office. Highlights include a Wednesday afternoon volleyball game between staff members at Letters & Sciences and the undergraduate orientation advisors (OAs), who had challenged us to the match. We played in the sandy beach courts near the freshmen dorms. Everyone was expecting the OAs to win since they're young and athletic and a couple of them actually played volleyball as a sport. But, in an upset, the old folks of L&S won two out of three games; the first two games, actually. I played, got all sandy and sweaty, and remembered that I was pretty good at serving. It was a lot of fun.

—The third Friday of every month is none other than Guerilla Queer Bar. Last, last Friday, I went to my final GQB in DC before my big move. I was supposed to have been given the opportunity to pick the venue, since it was my farewell GQB, but they did not pick any of my picks. We went to Madam's Organ, which was a narrow but three-floored bar complete with schlock of all sorts hung on the walls, live music, free pool, and a rooftop deck. It was so incredibly hot and steamy that night, but I had fun. A bunch of people came down for GQB madness. I went with Tracy, Shawn, Jesse, even Ryan made an appearance, and my drinking pal Margaret. We met up with my co-workers Dina and Megan and Megan's husband. It was a fun night though I had way too much to drink. I was doing fine until a guy I had talked to a couple of times online showed up and bought me, bought us a couple of rounds. By then, after dancing and looking for air conditioning vents to stand under and talking to random strangers, I was ready go home. The 'guy' was very nice, seemed into me, and we did kiss a few times (after stopping a Julia's Empanadas, which is a favorite). But I wasn't in the mood to go home with him, even though the rest of the gang thought I should. I guess this is why I never get laid. For me, though, I really have to be comfortable, be into it, and want it before I can 'do' it. The kissing was good enough. I believe this was the only GQB where I actually met someone, kissed someone--a victory in of itself. Pictures forthcoming .

—Saturday, after GQB, I was super hungover. My body has had enough, I think. I just can't drink like I used to. And it's almost enough to make me want to decide to just stop drinking altogether. I figure I have to have a couple of drunken nights in Seattle first, though. Then I can quit. Maybe I should quit while I'm ahead? Anyway, given my rather tender liver, I decided to go to the annual 'big gay mansion' party but not to drink. My friend Emily from school has invited me to her house's big summer party for the past two years--see the spy party of 2003 and the buddha bar bash of 2004. This year's theme was 'Hawai'ian'. Unfortunately, I was in no condition to dress up in a coconut bikini and grass skirt, so I just went in shorts, sandals, and my red guayabera. There were all sorts of tropical decorations up like palms and salt water fish and big flowers. This year's party included two slushie machines--one spat out mai tais and the other spat out pina coladas. As always there was a ton of food (including a yummy Hawaiian pulled pork), music, open bar, and crazy gay men dressed up in all sorts of get-ups. It was a nice, chill evening, even after the torrential thunderstorm that threatened to wash everyone away. I hung out with mostly school chums. My friend Scott did show up for a little while.

—This past Tuesday, I drove down to Ashburn, VA to visit Alenda. It's such a long drive (especially for someone who dislikes driving in the DC metro area). But it was good to see her and hang out with her now that she's back from Taiwan. We hung out at her apartment. Her evil cat Nemo stratched me. We then went to the movies and saw Bewitched, which was cute but could have been much funnier, much cuter, much savvier. The ironic thing is that the film is about Will Ferrell's washed-up actor character trying to step into the role of Darren Stevens in order to jumpstart his career by forcing the show to be all about him. The character realizes that it cannot be all about him and that the show is much better when he shares the spotlight. The film seems to be a vehicle for Ferrell as much as the tv show was for his character. So, it just seemed too much about how funny can Ferrell be and not how funny can the whole cast be (which includes the lovely talents of Michael Caine and Shirley MacLaine, even Nicole Kidman was okay).

—More recently, this past week began the three-week class I have to teach for L&S's STEP (Scholastic Transitions Educational Program), which helps traditionally academically disadvantaged or challenged students prepare for their first year at college. I am teaching a writing skills class that ostensibly will help the students get ready for English 101. I have ten students. Nine of them are men. One is a woman. I believe all of them are athletes of some sort. We are in class every day for the next three weeks from 8:30 AM to 12:30 PM. Four hours. It's been a challenge. It's tough to teach for four hours, and it's tough for them to stay focused for four hours. So far things are going well. I like the kids, and they seem to like me. Since it's a residence program, meaning they stay at school in a dorm, most of them are not sleeping enough because they're up all night socializing or whatnot. I have a couple of students who keep falling asleep in class. As a student, I couldn't imagine falling completely asleep in front of a teacher. I have to cajole them into staying on task and doing work. Like I said, friendly but not particularly focused. Their first assignment is due on Monday. We'll see how much they've absorbed from the class so far.

—Work has been extra tough with the teaching. I teach in the morning for four hours straight. Then on orientation days, which are Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, I go from teaching right into advising for another four hours straight. By the end of the day, I'm drained, usually hungry, and a little hoarse from talking all day. But, the money is good and necessary for my move. I only have until the end of the first week of August and then my job is done. Plus, on some level, I like being busy. It keeps me from thinking about all the crap I have to pack.

—Late Night Happy Hour at Franklin's this past Thursday was fun, though it kept me up late. Margaret and I have a lot of fun together when we go out.

—After teaching yesterday, this past Friday, I went to the movies with my coworker and new friend Dina (pronounced DY-na, not DEE-na). We saw Batman Begins at the big, giant, enormous, brand-new multiplex theatres in Silver Spring, The Majestic. I enjoyed the movie more than I thought I would. I like Christian Bale as Batman (though his mouth does some weird things when he talks). I think it's the best Batman film to date. I like that it was psychological in nature, dark, though the plot was a little thin. It's my second Michael Caine movie in less than a week. He is very good as Alfred; really great timing and presence. I think BB is worth seeing. I might even own it someday.

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"kahala" | wednesday | july 27, 2005 | 10:02 pm

PDATE. My rental application for the one bedroom apartment at the Kahala, otherwise known as the shambly building, has been accepted. I am in the process now of sorting out the move-in date, paying my first month's rent, and when I'll sign the lease and get keys. I have a place to live in Seattle. I will living approximately here. It's good news. I hope the apartment works out. I hope it's quiet and comfortable and relaxing and welcoming. I need a good solid base of operations, refuge, home when everything else in my life is all amok. Soon will come the next order of business--packing.

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