MONDAY. 10:49 PM. National Novel Writing Month 2003 is over. And I am a winner once again for my third year in a row. Hooray! It was a crazy month. I really didn't get a chance to write much during the month of November. In fact, I had only about 20,000 words by Thanksgiving Day. I locked myself in the house on the Friday after Thanksgiving and wrong from 9 AM till about 2:30 AM the following morning. I cranked out nearly 25,000 words in one whole day. Saturday, I cleaned up the last 6,000 words and by the early evening, I had crossed the 50K line. My novel, tentatively titled I. M. Mortal is not finished, but I finished NaNoWriMo with 50,005 words. Maybe I'll post an excerpt.

November is over. Crazy. The year is almost over. That's even crazier. The semester is almost over. And that's probably goign to drive me crazy. I have a ton of work to do. Today begins two weeks of near hell for me. I have two papers to write -- one final exam paper (15-20 pages, not researched) and one seminar paper (20-25 pages, fully researched). I have to grade three sets of papers for my classes. I have to teach. And I still have to read and keep up with my own classes. I am going to be one hurting puppy by December 12, the last day of classes.

The last week or so was pretty hectic even though it was the semester's fall break. I tried to get some work done, but still haven't caught up as much as I hoped to be. Who's ready for a recap? Here goes:

• Monday, last week, was the only day I had classes. I cancelled my classes for Wednesday and my seminar was cancelled as well.

• Tuesday and Wednesday, I spent at least four hours each day researching and hanging out in the library. I have come up with a pile of stuff for my seminar paper, but now I have to read through it, sort through it, and find useful things to illuminate my still rather amorphous paper topic. I do admit that I enjoy researching. I like the thrill of the hunt for really good sources. Of course, I don't really like the writing the paper part. But hanging out in the library and playing in the moveable stacks is pretty darn neat.

• Thursday, I went over to my sister's house in the early afternoon. We hung out and prepared Thanksgiving dinner. I made an 18 pound turkey. It was pretty good, though a little over-cooked. Like the year before, I brined the turkey before hand. It turned out well. We made a lot of food for just four people: myself, Alenda, her boyfriend Brian, and our friend Alice from school. There was turkey, garlic & chive mashed potates, homemade stuffing, sauteed spinach & turnip greens, oven-roasted acorn squash, succotash, orange-cranberry sauce, and gravy. We had apple pie for dessert. It was a ton of food. But it was a good day.

• Friday, as I said, was spent writing. All day. Many hours. But it was kind of fun to sit in bed with my laptop typing away. Now if I can only get paid for doing something like that.

• Saturday morning, I went to my friends Shawn and Christine's wedding. They got married up near Baltimore at The Cloisters, a big medievalesque house. It was a lovely ceremony in medieval/renaissance garb. The wedding party looked great. The reception was fun, though the DJ was terrible. Overall, it was a very nice time.

• After the wedding, I came home and finished up my NaNoWriMo novel.

• Saturday evening, I went over to my friend Meredith's house for a big after-wedding party. Shawn and Christine really couldn't afford a honeymoon. So, they decided to hold a big party and celebrate with everyone after their wedding. It turns out that all of us chipped in to buy them a honeymoon trip. We presented them with the trip at the party. It was very cool. Then the drinking began. Then the drama began. Ironically, I had mentioned to my friend Scott on the way to the wedding that I sensed the day was going to be drama filled. Well, it really didn't hit till the nighttime. But there was a lot to go around. I don't really want to get into the details. To sum up: lots of tears, lots of drinking to sublimate, girlfriends and ex-girlfriends, more tears, party fouls, drinks being thrown, soaked angry people, more tears, and the capstone of the night, a ambulance being called.

• Sunday was very quiet. I actually managed to get a ride home after the party. I slept very soundly. Got up. Went to College Perk. Tried to do some work but failed miserably. I spent the rest of the day straightening up the house, put up some holiday lights, and just watched a lot of cable. People came over for gaming, but we ended up not playing because Shawn couldn't make it (he cancelled at the last minute). I stayed up and watched a so-so documentary about martial arts on the Discovery Channel called Xtreme Martial Arts. It promised to be really cool, great body/motion studies, great animation (brought to us by the people who did the Matrix movies), and the science of martial arts. Unfortunately, the promise didn't pan out. After about 30 minutes of the film, I realized that it was the documentary my writing mentor Dr. Olmert told me he worked on months ago. He had said that the film had problems. It turns out to be the film he wrote. So, that was pretty cool at least. (And the men in the film were pretty hot and the martial arts demonstrations were amazing.)

• Today, Monday, was teaching. And then a whole lot of lazing around. My mythology class was cancelled to give us time to work on our papers. I did a little outlining, but didn't do near enough work on it. The rest of the afternoon and evening was spent doing nothing at all. I am procrastinating to the nth degree. I think I'm just in denial that I have so much work to do. Either that or I'm freaking out and feeling overwhelmed to the point of paralysis. It's probably the latter. Yay for me!

• Don't forget today is World AIDS Day.

• Go vote yes for same-sex marriages.

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WEDNESDAY. 11:00 AM. Happy birthday to Ryan!

TUESDAY. 10:37 AM. My office is freezing. Well, it may not be icicle-forming freezing, but it's certainly chilly. One "benefit" of living in a 30 year-old house with single-pane casement windows that don't really shut all the way. Weather-stripping won't even help, really. Oh well. I will probably have to get a little space heater. I have been fighting with my hot water radiators for the last couple of weeks. There are seven radiators in the house: living room, kitchen, downstairs bathroom, one each of the three bedrooms, and the upstairs bathroom. Four of them work: living room, the bathrooms, and my bedroom. I'm still trying to get the others to stay hot. Well, warm. It's an old radiant heat system. It doesn't produce that much heat. But if I can bring the rest of the rads online, it should keep the house comfortable -- cool, but comfortable.

TUESDAY. 11:10 PM. It's twelve hours later since I wrote this morning. Two entries in one day -- that hasn't happened in a really long time. Has anything changed since this morning? Well, I got my office radiator working, or at least, it's working right now. A good thing.

But I started off this morning with the sniffles. Now, I'm pretty much sick -- again. I think the stress of the end of the semester, of the near all-nighter this weekend for a paper, and of the next paper I have yet to write is getting to me. I spent most of today doing nothing. I really should be working on my seminar paper. But feeling under the weather has sapped away any motivation at all.

I'm in a strange mood. I think it's the grogginess of the antihistamine talking, and the fact that my stomach feels like it's been doing backflips for the past few hours. At least Queer Eye was a treat this evening. It makes me happy. Simple pleasures, right?

• Last week is a blur. I don't remember much of it, actually. I pretty much went to school, taught classes, and fretted about writing my papers. Oh, I think I did a ton of grading, too.

• Friday and Saturday was the first snow, sleet, freezing rain, and actual cold weather of the season.

• I tried to play Archaea on Saturday. But only six people showed up braving the winter weather. So, the event was called off, and we went to lunch at McD's.

• Saturday day -- in an effort to hone my procrastination skills -- I hung out with folks all day and evening. We went to see The Last Samurai. I think it's probably the best Tom Cruise movie I've seen. I'm really not a TC fan. But I think he was good in this one. And the whole "I am a white man trying to not be a white man thing" aside, I really enjoyed myself. I was surprised. The film is most definitely reminiscent of other films, but what films aren't? But the scenery, the costuming, the swords, the armor, and the fighting is totally amazing. Ken Watanabe (katsumoto) deserves a Best Supporting Actor nomination (which is sad because what makes him a supporting actor and not just Best Actor?). After the movie, we went to dinner. Then we went to see Gothika, which was also entertaining, spooky, and enjoyable. I normally don't like scary movies, but this one wasn't too bad. I was sufficiently freaked out. I'm not a big Halle Berry fan either. And the ending of the movie was a little pat. But, I had fun nonetheless. Overall, Saturday was fun. (We were hoping to head to UMPC to see Rocky Horror again, but got out of Gothika too late. Three movies in one day would've been a record for me.)

• Sunday, I spent most of the morning and early afternoon at College Perk working on my myth theory paper. I got about half of it written. Then I went home to clean up the house a little and get ready for gaming. Then there was Tellings. After gaming, my friend Shawn helped give me a haircut; my mowawk is pretty much fully grown. I really need to put up pictures at some point. After Shawn left, I crawled into bed with my laptop and finished writing my myth paper. I didn't finish until about 3 AM. It was the worst paper I had ever written.

• Monday, I woke up only three and a half hours later to get to school. Luckily, the day was spent in video days with my classes. I showed a short film called The Body Beautiful by Ngozi Onwurah. While my students were watching the video, I sat in the dark screening room and edited my paper. It's true what they say about going back to a paper a day later -- it does help and it does get better. By the afternoon, I had edited my paper, clarified a few things, expanded a few things, and brought out a reasonable argument. I don't know if it's a great paper, but it's definitely interesting. I came up with a great title at least: "Humans, Hounds, Horses, Mounds: Simultaneity in the First and Fourth Branch of the Mabinogi." Now, hopefully, my myth professor will like it. Monday evening was my last myth class of the semester. As usual, we had food. We discussed. Papers were handed in. And then I went home and crashed.

• I got an email from a writer named Stephanie Simpson-Woods, who wrote me after she read the title of my NaNoWriMo novel called I.M. Mortal. Turns out she's written a book titled I. M. Internet Messenger. She wanted to say hi and let me know that one day we might share shelf space. She wrote about me in her blog: "I noticed some kid had won with a manuscript he etitled, I.M. Mortal. Yeah! I.M. go figure. If he sticks with that title, oh well. His book will be placed next to mine and the two other installments of I.M. I plan to start after book three, that is if he gets it published. Who knows." I love the fact that she calls me "kid." Here's to sharing shelf space!

• Oh, by the way, if I were a dessert I would be "Vanilla with Chocolate Icing" -- which according to the psychology of desserts, I would be: "Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life." I guess it's mostly accurate. Or I could be a "Brownie" meaning, "You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal." Maybe I'm both.

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WEDNESDAY. 11:00 AM. Happy birthday to Dana and John!

SATURDAY. 12:17 PM. So, my website has an epigraph by Patti Smith that says, "So I write to have somebody. Everything I write has a motive behind it. I write the same way I perform. I mean you only perform because you want people to fall in love with you. You want them to react to you." Though, I'm not really a performer (at least not in the strictest of vocational senses), the quote says a lot about me. I could also modify the quote to fit my own life and say, "So I teach to have somebody. Everything I do when I teach has a motive behind it. I teach the same way I write and live. I mean you only live because you want people to fall in love with you. You want them to react to you."

That is so true for me.

Yesterday was the last day of classes for the fall semester. Another three sections of students let go and sent off into the world. They turned in their final papers. I gave them my end of the semester spiel about how much they have changed even in the space of just three months. And as a living example, I show them how much I have changed by giving them a glimpse of my freshman year University of Maryland ID (circa 1988). It always gets a big laugh, a big reaction, a "My god, that's really you? And is that really a mullet?" I hope they get the point.

I guess I'm just feeling the end of the semester, of trying to get everything done, and of the fast approaching holiday season. There's a lot of peculiar pressure and anxiety and frantic dis-ease right around this time of year. On a practical level, I have my Rhetoric of Science seminar paper to write, and I have final papers to grade and final grades to report. Then I'll be done with the semester. On an emotional level, I am sad that the semester is over, and I am sad to leave my classes and the community that they provided. ON a spiritual level, I am feeling a tad bit lonlier than usual. Almost every single media image right now is about being with family, being with loved ones, being with significant others, and about the massive power of diamonds, cars, chocolates, scarves, cruises, leather coats, perfume, and power tools to buy you, secure you, maintain for you love.

My friends are preoccupied with their own situations. I have no lover. And for some reason my family feels a lot more broken this year even though we're all back in the same state. I made the mistake of watching Lilo & Stich on cable last night. It is a sad movie. And it had me in tears in some parts. I guess it was just one of those nights. I need the chance to express some of the craziness and suckiness and fuckedupness I had been carrying around lately.

I don't feel too good about things right now. I don't feel too good about myself. But, as always, I'll figure it out eventually.

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SUNDAY. 11:00 AM. Happy birthday to my sister, Alenda!

MONDAY. 7:01 PM. Today is the first day of my winter break. And I spent it doing near absolutely nothing of any real import or construct. Part of me is very much enjoying the time off, and part of me is in shock -- I really don't know what to do with myself.

I got up this morning at a relatively decent hour. I goofed off on the computer most of the day, futzed around the house trying to clean up a little, had a late lunch, watched TV, and just vegetated. I guess I should find some motivation and some focus -- just a little bit.

The past week or so has been pretty stressful since the end of classes. I spent most of the past week agonizing over my seminar paper for my class Rhetoric of Science. My topic was a rhetorical analysis of a 1953 ephemeral film called A is for Atom, a short animated piece about the benefits of atomic energy. It's a pretty interesting little film surprising full of science details and the expected pro-atom rhetoric of the 1950s. I finished the paper last Thursday night and emailed it to my professor. I really needed it out of my hands. It's not a very good paper -- it probably would have been a great undergraduate essay, but the analysis just doesn't quite cut the graduate school mustard. Ah well. I'm happier that it's finished than unhappy that it's bad.

In between writing about 1950s atomic bomb cinema and visual antithesis, I tried to enjoy being done with teaching classes. Two weekends ago, I went to my friends Ryan, Matt, and Eric's house for their Ultra Lounge Christmas Party. It was a fun party and the roommates of "The Lodge" really go all out with their shindigs. It was a formal dress party -- late 50s, early 60s swanky hip. They did up their basement into a martini chic lounge. It was all very cool and glamorous. I managed to thrift a tuxedo jacket, which I combined with a white dress shirt and black tie, black pants, and dress shoes. I had a lot of fun. I drank way too many martini-type drinks. I got to bartend the party for about an hour; it was a full working bar and I had a blast. I really, really like the whole being behind the bar thing and serving up drinks and shaking up a little happy for people. It was fun. Of course, the one guy that was cute, really nice to me, and didn't mind me flirting with him was totally straight and married to boot. But it was still a good night nonetheless. Pictures here.

Last Tuesday, I went holiday shopping with Cate. We drove up to Columbia Mall and walked around for hours and hours. She had to get a handful of presents. I had to start. After a long time and many stores, I walked away with only a handful of gifts. Though I had managed to buy myself two things -- Robert Jordan's tenth book in the Wheel of Time series called Crossroads of Twilight, which finally came out in paperback, and a new wallet for my wallet chain. The old one broke months ago.

Last Wednesday was the premiere of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Alenda, her boyfriend Brian, and I met up with Meredith, Cate, and Skinner. We had dinner. Then we met up with one of Meredith's co-workers at the movie theatre. We stood in line for about forty-five minutes to be seated. I made the mistake of drinking an entire thirty-two ounces of soda in line. I tried desperately to make sure I didn't have to pee in the middle of the movie. The film was pretty good. I had a good time. But I think personally I am probably at saturation for the whole LOTR phenomena. I enjoyed it, but I wasn't moved to ecstasy. I think the first film is still the best one -- mainly because it was the first one and the one with fewest expectations or preconceptions. Though I can't wait till all three movies come out with all of the extended scenes. I can watch all three and then see what I think of the whole text. It was a good premiere, the night was fun, and the movie held my attention enough that I didn't even think about having to go to the bathroom.

During the previews of LOTR: ROTK, we got to see a teaser for the next Harry Potter movie The Prisoner of Azkaban. I'm pretty excited. The whole "something wicked this way comes" choral music is good and creepy. And the dementors seem like their going to be dark and scary. With the Lord of the Rings done, we all have to find other things to look forward to.

Friday, I took myself back up to Columbia Mall and did the rest of my holiday shopping. I spent too much money. But I think I got some interesting gifts. I hope my friends and family enjoy them and recognize all the thought that went into the choosing of them. Hah. Of course, I can't go shopping without ending up buying a few things for myself. I got a few DVDs from the bargain bin. I just couldn't help myself.

This past weekend, I ran Archaea on Saturday. It was a little cold. Only twelve people showed up to play. But I went ahead with the adventure. It was short, sweet, and introduced a few new plot lines for the coming year's campaign.

After Archaea, I went home, cleaned up, and made a spicy four bean salad with a jalapeno, lime, and cilantro vinagrette dressing. I drove over to Cate and Skinner's house. Meredith met up with us there, too. And we all carpooled down to Northern Virginia for "SaNC" or "Saturday Night Christmas." Basically, it was the crowd from TuND or Tuesday Night Dinner. A lot of food was made. Turns out there were a total of three bean dishes that night including my salad, some baked beans, and some vegetarian chili. That is a whole lot of beans. But everyone was delicious. I ate entirely too much food. I can already feel the onset of the holiday pounds. The rest of the night was spent chatting, hanging out, eating some more, drinking wine and nog, and running the Yankee gift swap. My first ever. I ended up with a Yaegermeister gift box. Woo, alcohol.

Sunday, I spent the entire day grading my students' final papers. I spent the morning at College Perk. It was totally dead. I was the only customer for like two hours. Eventually, people started showing up. Then I went home and graded some more. By late afternoon, I had all of the papers done, the grades calculated, and the results submitted to the university.

Sunday was Alenda's 27th birthday. Damn, she's getting old, and I'm getting older! I went over to her place Sunday night. Brian, Alenda, and I went out to dinner in Chevy Chase at Clyde's, a very swanky restaurant that recalls the 20s and 30s golden age of travel (the whole planes, trains, and automobiles thing). It was a very nice place. The food was excellent. I had a Georgia Spinach Salad, which was very tasty and probably one of the best salads I've had to date. Everyone was pretty nicely dressed. I have never seen so much fur (probably real) in my life. I even saw a man in a fur coat -- I don't think I've ever seen a man wear a fur coat except for maybe rock stars and pimps in movies. There was a caroling quartet singing in the restaurant. And almost everyone stared at my mohawk and a few even paused to make a friendly comment.

After dinner, Alenda wanted to go see a movie. She wanted to see Mona Lisa Smile. It wasn't as bad as it could have been. Heh. The very gay part of me actually enjoyed it. Of course, it's a film about a teacher that changes the lives of her students. It's a film about the 1950s. And it's basically Dead Poets Society except with women, not as funny, and no one dies. My sister wanted a light, fun, cheerful film, and she got it. I was entertained. Part of the entertainment also came from the fact that I was one of three men in the entire theatre. I got to chat up the three women that sat behind us; I flirted and they totally flirted back. I guess my skills aren't so rusty after all (though they need a bit more fine tuning so it actually works on available men).

That's basically the last week and a half of my life. I'm glad to be finished with the semester. I'm really glad to be done with my two papers I had to write. Now I want to take some time off. I want to get back to working on the townhouse, and I want to work on some of my own projects like the revision of Tellings. Now, I just have to find the motivation. Double hah.

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MONDAY. 4:12 PM. I've been in sort of a funk lately. It's been a week since I washed my hands of the fall semester. All of my work is done. All of my grading is done. (Of course, now, I have students emailing about their grades, about why they got a C+ instead of a B-, about why they should get a better grade.) I really don't have anything pressing to do. And I think that's why I'm in a weird, blah, lazy, disconnected mood. I don't have any focus. I don't have any motivation. I'm in shock. I went from being madly busy for three months to suddenly nothing.

Even the holidays were quiet. Though my sister and I did get an invite to go over to my father's house for dinner on Christmas Eve. We went over. There was a lot of food -- a curious mixture of traditional, American stuff and Taiwanese dishes. We did the whole present thing. And then it was over. My stepmother was actually very polite, almost jovial, and didn't get intense at all. Might there actually be hope? Probably not, but at least it wasn't a disaster.

On Christmas Day, Alenda and Brian came over to my place for dinner. I made my first ever standing rib roast (recipe courtesy of Paula Deen). It came out nearly perfect and was very tasty. While the roast was in the oven, we hung out, played games, and watched TV. Brian brought his PlayStation2 over and we struggled through a few hours of EA's Lord of the Rings: Return of the King game. It's fun but difficult. We watched a little Queer Eye on tape. It was a fun, very relaxed, and delicious evening.

The remainder of the weekend was also pretty relaxed.

Friday day and night I did very little. I've been semi-obsessed with playing Literati, a Scrabble-type game on Yahoo! It's fun. And it challenges my vocabulary. It's good to keep the brain on its toes. I pretty much just stayed in and was a slug.

Saturday was pretty boring and quiet. Saturday night, I drove over to Cate's and we carpooled down to Meredith's house. We just hung out, had dinner, and watched A Muppet Family Christmas, which I had never seen before. A few more people showed up and we played Trivail Pursuit: Lord of the Rings Edition, which is based on the three movies and not the books. It was fun and maddening at the same time.

Sunday, I spent the morning playing Literati and working on stuff for gaming. Sunday afternoon, we played Tellings. It was a good session.

And that's it. Calm, quiet, and a little boring.

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