TUESDAY. 12:40 PM. I'm getting ready for the day. It's already past noon, though. I need to start getting up earlier and being more productive. The weather's turned chilly again and today's sky is gray and cloudy. I can pretend like I'm in Seattle.

I plan on heading out to the cemetery today to visit my mother's grave. I haven't been to see her in over two years. It's time. I hope it's not all overgrown. I guess I'll take along some tools to clean it up a bit. I'll get some flowers, too. I am actually very comforted by the fact that I'm close to my mother's remains. When I was out on the West Coast, I felt a little guilty for being so far away from her. I know it's just a little plot of land. I know she's always with me. But there is something grounded, tangible, and real about being close to her remains. In a way, it reminds me that she's passed and reminds me to honor her life and her death. When I was far, far away, I could almost forget she was gone.

Afterwards, Dustin and I are going to University of Maryland to see the campus and to sit in on my writing mentor Dr. Olmert's graduate seminar on John McPhee. He is perhaps one of my favorite writers. And I hope to one day be as skilled and as read as him. I remember when he visited UMCP in 1998 and came to two of my English 101 classes. I was totally starstruck.

I've heard from various UMCPers that Maryland has become a big "sports" school with the success of the football and basketball teams. They're building a brand new giant Maryland Comcast Center. Woo, the school's going corporate. Sell-outs. I hate when companies put their names on places. Just leave the damn names alone.

I'm a little stressed out by the whole "not knowing" thing. I still haven't heard from other two schools. I don't know if I'm going to stay in the area or not. I don't know if I'm going to move back to San Francisco. Or maybe I should head to Seattle? I just don't know. My father called me the other day and asked me what I was doing, whether I was going to find a job here in Maryland. I told him I just didn't know. I could look for a job but what happens if I have to leave for school?

I know I need to do something. Though I do enjoy the very simple life of just existing. I wake up. I putter around the house. I do a little work on the house. I drive around. I visit places and people. I come home and relax with Kate, Skinner, Dustin, and Brooke. Then I go to sleep. It's very easy. It's very domestic.

I want to branch out though. I need to get back to work on some of my projects including Tellings. I want to head into Washington, DC and go out. I miss the "life" of the city. I do miss San Francisco and walking to the corner store or heading to POW or taking the bus to visit a friend. Silver Spring is suddenly very provincial to me. I know it's a bustling suburb, but it's still a suburb. I want to turn up my energy a few notches.

Dustin and I went to dinner with Nancy last night. We had tapas at a sort-of-swanky place called Jaleo in very swanky Bethesda. The food was good but I am not really a tapas-kind-of-guy. It was like Spanish sushi. Everything bite-sized and not exactly filling. But the conversation was good and it was most excellent to see Nancy. Though, she forgot to tell me that Bethesda's metered parking runs till 10 PM. 10 PM! San Francisco's meters run only till 6 PM! We got a ticket. Thirty-five bucks down the drain. Ah well.

After dinner, we drove down into DC to Politics and Prose to have a spot of coffee. All in all, it was a good, relaxing night.

11:12 PM. Same day, just later. I'm about to head to bed, I think. I really need to get to bed earlier and wake up earlier.

Today was a pretty good day. I woke up and cut my hair. I'm preparing to grow my spikes again. Yay for me. Then Dustin and I drove out to the cemetery to visit my mother's grave site. I got some flowers and paid my respects. It was good to stand in that place again. I felt like I reconnected.

Afterwards, we drove to the University of Maryland and had lunch at the Maryland Food Co-op. I had a tasty croissant sandwich with mozzarella, smoked cheddar, tomatoes, sprouts, and carrots for three bucks. I love the co-op. I felt like I was suddenly back in Berkeley or on Haight Street. The co-op is in a remodeled part of the student union; it's very swanky and fancy. Tres chic. High finish wood and walls of windows and new furniture.

After lunch, we walked across campus, petted Testudo's nose, and went to see Dr. Olmert, my writing mentor of many many years. We sat in on his John McPhee graduate seminar. It was a lot of fun and he's still as entertaining, amazing, benevolent, and brilliant as ever. I really wish I could take the class. I would thrive in a class like that.

I really missed Dr. Olmert. Though walking through Susquehanna Hall was like walking through an old, faded photograph. I didn't realize that I had so many ghosts. Memories of small things. Like the way a building smells or the sound of a classroom. So much is different. There are huge, very new dormitories where I used to park my car in front of the English building. Yet so much hasn't changed. Dr. Olmert is still in the same office with the same pictures pinned to the walls.

Being in the seminar room was a blast.

My friend Kevin met Dustin and I after class. He came back to Kate and Skinner's to hang out for a while. It was really good to see him. He's been pretty busy trying to finish up with school, coaching diving, and just plain surviving. I hope to see him again soon.

I'm glad to see people. It's a little awkward, I think. It's partially in my mind. But to be away for three years is a long time. There is a part of me that wanted some fanfare, some big to-do upon the return of the native. But most of my circle is doing their own thing. I mean really. Did I think they'd wait for me? I guess there's a little of that self-centeredness in everyone including myself. But I'm making gestures. I'm calling. I'm hoping to reconnect again.

Well, I'm off to bed. Tomorrow's another day. We'll see what gets done then.

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