The following online journal entries are from January 2002.
SATURDAY. 11:15 AM. With work slow, my friend Dustin away, no good books to read, and life just being uneventful, I've had a lot of time to myself. Going to POW on Monday got me thinking about growing up in the 70s and 80s. It's a little unsettling that the 80s are now considered retro. That's my childhood you're talking about!
For some unknown reason, I began digging around the net (thanks to our friend Google) for pieces of my yesteryears. The first thing I looked up was The Mighty Orbots. It was only on for a season but I really liked the cartoon (one of a long line of transforming, combining robot shows). Listen to the theme song (it'll bring back memories...and doesn't it sound like the intro to some porno? Rob Simmons and some "hot action"...).
The Orbots Commander was pretty cute. I started to wonder what other shows I indulged in in the 80s and what other characters my pre-coming out self imprinted on. I was a latchkey kid. I watched an incredible amount of television (Saturday mornings in particular when Saturday morning cartoons were GOOD and you woke up at 6 AM to get started on the day's line-up). I guess when I think back there are a number of shows, even cartoons, that really caught my attention. Like many imaginative types, good stories and superheroes and super powers really made me happy. And I can't help admitting that I had crushes on some of the male characters.
I suddenly remembered The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers. I really liked the show and of course Shane "Goose" Gooseman, the blond wild-haired supertrooper was pretty darn hot.
But perhaps my favorite was the Thundercats. It was a lot of fun and Lion-O was my favorite (to be later joined by Bengali, one of the new Thundercats). Clearly, I have a thing for cartoon men with great hair (and being the hero and having an nice body didn't hurt either).
Well, the floodgates were opened. I kept remembering shows I totally loved: Robotech (totally awesome), Dungeons and Dragons (Hank would've been cute if he had been drawn better), He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (okay, it was pure beefcake...instant tan and furry bikinis...need I say more?), Silverhawks (which was basically the Thundercats in space), Thundarr the Barbarian (Ariel, Ookla...Ride!), Spiderman and his Amazing Friends, G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (Did Shipwreck in his little open-shirt and tattoos ever seem a little queer to you?), Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors (which I really liked also...great story and character development...and a fun theme song...listen to it in French!), M.A.S.K. (fifty points to anyone who remembers what that stands for... the theme song brings back memories... great concept but not so greatly drawn), The Real Ghostbusters (my favorite episode being "The Collect Call of Cthulhu").
The list probably could go on and on and on (and stretch back into the 70s or forward into the 90s). See which ones you remember and tell me what your favorites were. Ahh, nostalgia.
THURSDAY. 12:13 PM. The past week or so has been enlightening and stressful at the same time. I just have entirely too much on my mind from waiting to hear back from grad school to my living situation to my sick cat Mojo to what to do for next few months. Most of the anxiety comes from anticipation -- where will I be for school, what schools will give me funding, and what happens once I get accepted?
I have a big case of the San Francisco blahs, which is summed up by this webjournaler's rant about living in this difficult city. I totally understand the whole "inertia" and "laziness" syndrome. I haven't reached a desperate level of toxicity yet. But I think there are some definite cons to living in San Francisco these days. Part of me just wants to leave. It's a wee case of wanderlust.
My contract job at the law firm is ending this month. My roommate Sarah broke her vow of silence (at least regarding interacting with me) and wrote me an email expressing that she wants to move out of the apartment. With the possibility that grad school may take me entirely out of SF, I don't know whether I should put the effort into finding a stable job and a new apartment. It doesn't seem practical.
Part of me just want to pack up everything I own, keep what I want to keep, and sell off and junk the rest. Then, instead of spending hundreds of dollars to rent an apartment I don't want to live in, I can use the money to travel around, couch surf, and just see some of the country while waiting for grad acceptances to come in. Of course, that doesn't seem practical either.
I do have a certain loyalty to San Francisco and the handful of very cool people I've met here. It's always been difficult me for me to let go of things, to move on, to leave. Obviously, it took me years to leave Maryland and now I have to make the same kind of judgment call for San Francisco.
I just want to go. I just want to see Seattle. I just want to visit my friend Josh in Iowa. I just want to play Tellings with my old group in Maryland. I just want to be teaching writing to college freshman and working on my own writing career. I just want to *do* something. It's not necessarily about "leaving" though. I guess I just want to act. I need to act. I need to be doing instead of waiting.
I refuse to be the slave of inertia.
© 2002 Edmond Y. Chang. All original material. All rights reserved.
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