AMICI ET AMICAE ET FAMILIA

The circle of friends "situation" is probably at storm warning levels. Still very little progress has been made.

I have been gaming. And it has been a lot of fun and rewarding to be creative again. We haven't clicked as a group yet. But, I think the problem is that we're not really friends outside of the gaming circle. That's someting that I'd like to work on. Without that basic friendship, I think, the group will lack that unity and companionship that is necessary for great gaming.

I like all of the people I work with. And hopefully, I'll get to know some of them outside of the workplace. It's slow going. Most people have established lives and established circles of friends. It's hard to be the newcomer and try to insert yourself into their routine. I've gone to a party held by a co-worker. And I had my first lunch with a co-worker yesterday. But, most of the people here are of a different generation than me. We'll see what happens. At least I get to see them at work and it's pretty friendly and relaxed.

A lot of the coffee house people I know have sunk into their own lives. It's been a while since I've seen any of them or heard from them. We play phone tag a lot. And now I'm just focusing on the people who are available and around.

My sister has been very good about trying to hang out with me and keep me company. She visits once every couple of weeks at least. We had Thanksgiving together. And before that, we went to see the Pokèmon movie--hehe, it was fun. I talk to her almost every day on Instant Messenger or by phone. And we both continue to be sucked into the world of EverQuest.

AMATOR POTESTAS?

Three weeks ago, I answered a personal ad online and met a very cool guy named Bill. We chatted a bit over email and learned that we had a lot in common. We both like indie movies, architecture/design, tarot cards, reading fantasy novels, tattoos, and so on. It turns out that he lived literally around the block from me. We were neighbors. So, we met at Espresso Bravo and had a very nice time.

He's my height, athletic, great smile, buzzed blond hair, blue eyes, goattee, lots of tattoos (including a beautiful full back piece of cherry blossoms taken from a Japanese kimono design), and he's very cute.

We've gone out, hung out and watched Buffy, had lunch, and just enjoyed each other's company. We're taking things moderately. We've had a couple of discussions about expectations and such. He is looking for a long-term relationships and he really wants to make sure the person he is with is right enough before he makes the full commitment. Sounds like an obvious plan. But, we've talked and we're both not sure how far we'll go together. We want to make sure to preserve our friendship. I think I'm more willing to let things progress and to take the risk. He's been in a couple very long term relationships that didn't work out and is a bit more wary. He doesn't want to hurt me or himself. I guess I'm part of the old romantic school -- better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all. I told him that as long as he didn't do anything so cheesy and so hurtful, I would remain his friend even after "we" had ended. But we're not anywhere near that stage of the game.

In the beginning, he felt a little under pressure. I know I bond a little too quickly. Plus, him being one of the first real friendships I've found in the city combined with a romantic possibility, just made things a little intense. But, we're fine. He and I are having fun and enjoying one another's company. It's pretty cool. It's very cool.

MODUS OPERANDI

I've hit a plateau point in my everday life here in SF. I'm doing my best not to get too caught up in my own stress or my own anxiety. It's not easy all of the time, but I manage. I have been taking care of myself and watching my own back. And I've been making investment into the things that are mutual, reciprocal, and beneficial.

But things aren't clicking and frankly I'm not sure SF is the end all be all place for me. The move has been tremendous and I don't regret it whatsoever. I think I needed to "pull a geographical" and start over someplace else. It's helped me reinvent parts of myself and it's set my compass a little. Emotional and spiritual triangulation.

I have been a little edgy lately. I think because I'm having anticipatory anxiety over returning to Maryland for the first time in almost a year. I'm not sure what I'm going to discover. I do know that it will galvanize my position either to remain in SF or to move on or back to Maryland.

I've made PRO and CON lists for both going and staying. They're actually pretty balanced, which clues me in that either decision would be acceptable. I certainly don't feel like I've failed -- a first for this perfectionist. If I stay, great. If I return to Maryland, great. I've done something that very few people can do. And I've maintained life in a new place for a year. It is an accomplishment in of itself.

I feel like a character out of a 19th century novel who has spent the year abroad and now is returning home. The return of the native of the 90s. But, I don't know yet. Let's see what the new year brings. I did decide that if things in SF don't connect more, click more, and welcome me more by probably summer of next year, I will try life elsewhere.

I am totally excited to see people back East. So, get ready to receive me big. I know I have planned a few gaming sessions with the old group. And I hope to have a gathering for the UMCP crowd as well. I'll be flying in late on December 22 and staying through New Year's and leaving on January 2 (barring Y2K difficulties). Since I'm not working and just lollygagging around my father's house (or whomever's house I'm couch surfing at), please feel free to visit with me. I'll email out the number where I'll be once I get back.

It'll be good to drive again! I miss my car.

Well, that's it for now. Please email me or call me. Yes, yes, I know I'll be back there soon, but till then I still enjoy the contact. Talk to everyone soon.

Cheers,
Ed