wRiTErPuNk: my life is very conflicted right now... and i have little time or energy to deal with things... our friendship may simply be a casualty of my transition out here... that's not to say that I don't want to try... but I have tried, *******, while I was still in Maryland... but, in my perception, your behavior, your emotional state, your actions, your words, your ideas in the last year have been really disconcerting at the last and disappointing at the most...
Vince****: I think the feeling is mutual...
wRiTErPuNk: mutual in what way?
Vince****: that there is disappointment
wRiTErPuNk: that's not concrete enough
Vince****: Well you said at the very most that you had a sense of disapoointment about how I was in the last year, the same is true of how I've felt at times about you. Disappointment and deep sadness.
wRiTErPuNk: and to be perfectly honest, I don't think I am in the wrong... I dont' think I have acted differently other than in reaction to how things changed between us...
wRiTErPuNk: again, I don't understand what you're saying...
Vince****: I'm saying that I saw behavior in you that disappointmed me and made me sad to see you...that is in large part why i began to withdraw from you....
wRiTErPuNk: what kind of behavior?
wRiTErPuNk: is it possible that my behavior was a reaction toward you?
wRiTErPuNk: and there have been times that I have been perfectly clear to you how I felt and what I experienced...
Vince****: No...I'm speaking of your throwing yourself at nearly every white piece of flesh with a penis that came into the office...the crushes, the fawning, the massages...all of it. It bothered me to see such an intelligent man acting in such an undignified manner.
wRiTErPuNk: that's way presumptious of you
wRiTErPuNk: and you assume too much
Vince****: I only know what I saw...and what you told me
wRiTErPuNk: and who are you to define what is undignified?
Vince****: I'm an intelligent person with a functional brain, capable of establishing standards of behavior for interacting with others. You can't think that I'm the only person who noticed these things, or spoke to them.
wRiTErPuNk: what are you talking about?
wRiTErPuNk: my behavior is my own business... and if boundaries were crossed, that is between the person and myself...
Vince****: "Did you see Ed throw himself on ______?" "Is he stalking him or something?" "God, that's pathetic"
wRiTErPuNk: Standards of behavior?
wRiTErPuNk: who are you to say?
wRiTErPuNk: oh, come on, heresay and gossip... needless
wRiTErPuNk: pointless
wRiTErPuNk: and just as childish
wRiTErPuNk: as the behavior you've deemed on me
Vince****: This is what people perceive of you...because it's what you put out.....
wRiTErPuNk: cool
wRiTErPuNk: nevermind the fact that I think all the intrigue, the petty judgements, the whispering, the tsks and the tit-for-tats are just as mature and acceptable...
Vince****: Ed, I'm not saying this because I want to hurt you or make you angry whatever...imagine how it felt to always here from you that there wasn't anytime for us to hang out, that you were just so busy...but there was always time for them, no matter how insignificant they really were in your life or what they really had to say about you and the attention you showered them with when you weren't there.
wRiTErPuNk: so, this isn't about my "lack of dignified behavior"
wRiTErPuNk: this about you feeling put aside
wRiTErPuNk: at least that's what i just heard
Vince****: In part it is, it did bother me to see you acting the way you did. It was sad to see you reducing yourself to that...even if you don' see anyting wrong with it...and yes it bothered me that you would so quickly put any one of them above me.
wRiTErPuNk: *******, don't say I'm sad... don't say I reduced myself... you don't fucking have any right to say that...
wRiTErPuNk: no right at all
wRiTErPuNk: you do not mete out morality
wRiTErPuNk: again, you presume too much
Vince****: Ed, as someone who was a friend to you at one time I do have the right to say that I was saddened along with many others to see you do that to yourself...you became the joke of the organization and you're way to intelligent for that to have happened.
wRiTErPuNk: i am fully aware of my behavior and fully accepting of the pitfalls and the propriety in them
wRiTErPuNk: oh, i was the joke of the organization
wRiTErPuNk: cool
wRiTErPuNk: you are a mean person
wRiTErPuNk: i hope you know that
wRiTErPuNk: and i wish you success in all that you do
wRiTErPuNk: really
wRiTErPuNk: cause I'm sorry I can't be a part of it
Vince****: No, I'm not...you are a stubborn person who wants to live life in your own little bubble in it doesn't work tht way.
Vince****: You do have to responisbility for how you present yourself to others...
wRiTErPuNk: i have a responsibility to maintain a life that I think is genuine, honest, teaching, loving, politically aware, critical, and fun... i do not need to present myself to others in any way other than what befits who I am... sometimes this syncs with other's expectations, sometimes it doesn't
wRiTErPuNk: and for someone who wants to go into counseling, you have a unwarranted and inappropriate way of telling people how to live their life...
Vince****: The bubble...it's gonna burst...and I hope all the individualty and fun makes up for the emptiness that's there.
wRiTErPuNk: well, don't forget about your bubble
Vince****: There's one thing that I will never be, that's lonely.
wRiTErPuNk: cool
Vince****: and my bubble has already been burst...I'm not looking for a new one.
wRiTErPuNk: brilliant
Vince****: I'm sorry that I've upset you (if indeed I have), but these are not things I'm saying to be mean...I say them because I have concerns for you and I really do care about what happens to you...I should have share this with you long ago but was afraid of making you angry...
Vince****: So with that I guess I'll say goodbye, and good luck.