The following online journal entries are from June 1999.

They are taken from older version of my website.

Monday. 10:48 PM. If you didn't know, it's Flag Day!

June has been alright. The weather is finally warming up a bit. I can wear my shorts and get a little sun. I am still looking for a job. I just haven't been offered anything that I really feel great about. I should correct that statement -- I haven't really been offered anything period. I send out resumes all the time. I email companies all the time. I look online for potential jobs all the time. Every day. So far nothing has turned up.

Though, Moosa, the manager at Espresso Bravo, offered me a job there. I thought about it for a week. I really didn't know if I wanted to work there anymore now that most of the people I befriended there have been fired or left their jobs. But, I decided to take the job. Now I think he's hired enough people now. So, fate has decided for me. I was hesitant about the job. And he was honest with me that he didn't want me to take the job if I was going to leave in a short time. I need to talk to him and see what the low down is.

What else? I finished the final revision of Tellings, my pencil-and-paper role-playing game. I'm very proud of it. I'm very happy that it's turned out so well. I added a lot of new material and adjusted the layout to save some pages. It's 24 pages shorter than the previous edition but has a lot more packed into the text. I have even sent copies to the Library of Congress for an official copyright registration. Now, I need to turn my attention to writing the worldbook. If I get both books done, I plan to launch them both together. I might even start my own gaming publishing house.

I really have been simply surviving. I'm keeping myself busy. I'm trying to keep in good spirits. But, sometimes the stress of my new life here gets me down.

I had been having some serious tension between Sarah, my roommate, and her girlfriend, Tara. Tara's staying with us for over a month's time. So, the dynamic in the apartment has been very difficult at times. It is really hard to be constantly around a couple when you're the single. Three is definitely a crowd most of the time. But, we have sat down and talked about it. And I have expressed how I have been feeling. I let them both know that sometimes I feel like an afterthought or simply in the way. And they explained how they felt. For the most part, things are pretty smooth and comfortable.

I went down to Alenda's apartment in Sunnyvale this past weekend. Her boyfriend Ben was out of town. So, I went down to hang out with her and to keep her company for a couple of days. It was really cool spending time with her. We went out to dinner. We played video games. We watched television. We saw the new Austin Powers movie. And we fed the very social ducks at the duck pond across the way from her apartment complex. It was a nice weekend.

Yesterday, Alenda, Sarah, Tara, and I went to the SF SPCA to look at kittens. It's a really swanky place. The adoption center is very nicely furnished and designed with cherry wood and windows and open concept lines. All the animals have their own little rooms with cat toys and scratching trees and kitty furniture. It was really cool. There was only one kitten and she was claimed. So, I went to look at the older cats. I found a nearly 1 year old black cat that was just adorable. Unfortunately, I need to clear having a cat with my apartment before the SPCA will let me adopt her. We'll see what happens.

Other than that, I'm just doing what I can. I hope and I pray that something will come along in the job front. And I can really simply settle into this city once and for all.

Cheers. Laters.

Tuesday. 11:28 AM. I've had a really busy and exhaustive weekend. I started writing about it in my book journal but decided that there was too much to jot down quickly. So, I'm going to make my entry online and just paste it into my book later. This way I can write about my past few days or past week at the speed of typing. It's much faster and allows me to get more thoughts down.

We'll start with last week. Nothing really out of the ordinary. I spent the weekend before last by myself while my roommate Sarah and her girlfriend Tara were out of town.

On Sunday (June 20), I did go to the Castro Theatre to see one of the movies showing as part of the 23rd SF Gay and Lesbian Film Festival. I picked Oi! Warning -- a German film, black and white, a coming of age film about a young man named Janosch. Janosch leaves school and suburbia to find his pal Koma. Koma is a German skinhead, full of the hypermasculinity, aggression, and working-class hardcore rage (and comraderie). Janosch emulates Koma. But, Janosch then meets Zottel, a young, impish, grungy, anarchist, circus performer, fire-eater, and gay punk. Like Beautiful Thing meets Johnny Rotten, the two fall for each other. But there is drama in the works. I won't spoil too much about the film. I really enjoyed the movie. Of course, I'm have a fascination for gay punks and skinheads. But, the movie does end tragically. Again, the cinematic space does not seem to have room for a functional and whole queer relationship.

On Monday of last week, I went to a party with my new friend Julie, whom I met at the coffee house. It was nice to go out and be with other people. The party was in a slightly scary neighborhood at the flat belonging to three men: Jody, Brian, and Dean. The whole place was filled with queer, funky, punky, totally hip men. It was mostly men, in fact. Only a handful of women. It was a little intimidating and awkward. I really only knew Julie and her friend Flora (and even that knowledge is as acquaintances). But, I mingled, had a few beers, and just talked with people. It was nice. The guys were really, really cute. We'll see if I see any of them again.

Most of last week, I spent doing the same old thing. I wake up. Check email. Write a few letters. Do some data mining for jobs. If I find some interesting leads, I mail off or fax off resumes. Then, I hang out. Play online. Go walk around the neighborhood. Or hang out at the coffee shop.

The job search is truly frustrating and demoralizing. (And I hate complaining about it, too.) Everything from the shite jobs to the ideal jobs just don't seem to be opening up for me. I've applied at the coffee shop, at Kinko's, for office manager positions, to be an administrative assistant, to be a writer, an editor, and so on. I hope, hope, hope that something works out soon.

Last Thursday, I met a guy who had answered my personal ad. We had been emailing back and forth for a couple of weeks. We talked on the phone once. And then he called me to see if we could get together. So, we met at Espresso Bravo. He was pretty cool. We had a nice conversation for a couple of hours.

Friday night, Sarah, Tara, and I went to another festival film. We saw two shorts. One was a documentary called Off The Straight and Narrow, about representations of gays, lesbians, and bisexuals on television. It was a good primer. It had segments with Richard Dyer, a well-known LGBT media critic. It wasn't as good as The Celluloid Closet but I give it credit for trying to do the same kind of study with television. I would show it in a classroom. The second was a short film called Where Lies the Homo?, which incorporated home movies and snippets of Hollywood films. It was an interesting montage.

Saturday, Sarah, Tara, and I went to the first day of the Pride festival held at the Civic Center in downtown San Francisco. Like DC's festival, it was packed with vendors, tents, stages, and people. SF's Pride is much bigger, though. It was fun walking around and seeing all the stuff, the merchandise, the organizations, the different opportunities. Pride is definitely a big deal in this city.

Later that night, we went to the block party in the Castro. I had never been to a party of that magnitude. Several blocks of Castro Street were blocked off and there was music playing, people dancing, people drinking, people getting into various states of debauchery. The guy I met on Thursday came down and met up with us. We walked around and just tried to take it all in. It was fun. I didn't get to sleep till three in the morning. And we had to get up early to go to the parade.

It turns out that the young man I met, who hung out with me all weekend, is not interested in me romantically. He told me Saturday night that he was seeing someone already. So, we're going to be friends. (Again, it seems to be my lot in life.)

Sunday was big and bold and spectacular as well. The parade was fun. It was my first in SF and I'm glad I went. After the dykes on bikes and the families of PFLAG and the bears in leather and the feathered boas and rainbow flags, we went back to the festival. It was many hours standing and sitting in the sun.

By the end of it all, I was totally exhausted. Totally wiped out. I'm still recovering. In fact, most of yesterday was spent sleeping. I think I got a little heat exhaustion. I was dizzy, too warm, listless, tired, achy, and just plain under the weather. I feel better today. I'm still a little woozy though. But, I'm drinking water and trying to rest up.