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The following online journal entries are from January 1999. They are taken from older version of my website. |
Pacifica is known for two things: the fog (which at times is dense and produces the ill-effect of mold and mildew year-round) and the only ocean-front Taco Bell in the United States. Beth Brown, the woman who owns the house I'm staying at, is nice enough. But the house just seems stifling at times. We have two cats inside, two rats named Mulder and Scully in a cage, and Captain Lizardo (who recently has been sexed as a female), a bearded lizard in a terrarium. All the animals, plus the mold and mildew, plus a household that just doesn't like to vaccuum has made my breathing health very poor. I actually vacuumed the house myself to try to control some of the problem. This past week has been a bit better. I have applied for two jobs. One is as a writer for a local travel company. The second is as an assistant editor for the California College of Arts and Crafts quarterly magazine. The CCAC job requires desktop publishing skills as well as some background in architecture and design. I think I can do both and am qualified for both. I just have to wait and see now. With the urging of Alenda, I joined a roommate service. I decided that I didn't think I could live with Sarah and her friend Laura (mainly, I couldn't live with Laura). Sarah and I actually get along really great and we make a good pair, a good team. I'm trying to hunt down as many good possibilities for housing as I can. Hopefully, it won't take forever. I'm going to stay in Pacifica until Sunday. Then, I'm going to transfer to Alenda's friends' apartment in El Cerrito (which is outside of Berkeley, to the north). I hate this bouncing around. But, I'm glad I have places and choices of where to crash. Alenda's friends Sara and Ramon have been very kind to offer their futon for a couple of weeks. Originally, I was going to try to move into a place with Sarah and Laura. As I said before, I think Sarah and I could live together without any problems. Our energy is very good together and we get along just fine. We have a lot of fun and at the same time we can be quiet together. But, her friend Laura is a different story. Sarah met Laura in Chicago and they have been friends for a long time. Laura is a lesbian and works as a librarian for the Exploratorium in SF. Laura is a good person but her personality just doesn't quite complement mine. I know I've only known her for a few short days. I'm just not quite sure if the three of us together would be a good thing. I think we could make it work. But I want a situation, especially a roommate situation, that is happy for everyone involved. Laura's politics and ideologies are similar to mine but strangely antagonistic at times. I find her to be a bit too co-dependent for my boundaries and my sensibilities. I think she is contradictory at times, purposefully and unconsciously manipulative of other people's emotions (often disguised as trying to "push" people's boundaries, ideas, and thoughts). I think emotionally we are just not compatible. She is very needy and I cannot give her the attention, the devotion, the service she wants. Furthermore, I see her relationship with Sarah as somewhat dysfunctional. She pushes Sarah's buttons a lot -- at times on purpose and at times unknowingly. She uses a lot of guilt, a lot of passive aggression, a lot of heavy sighs, a lot of out-of-the-blue explosive behavior. And these tactics really just grate me the wrong way. I am not sympathetic. But Sarah tries to accommodate Laura. And I don't like how Laura uses Sarah sometimes. Sarah and I have talked about this a bit. She agrees with me on a lot of points. But, she is okay with Laura. She explains that Laura has been through a great deal. I understand. I have chosen to simply stay out of the way and simply interact as acquaintances. I like Laura in a lot of ways. And I don't see why we can't hang out or go out. But, I don't think it would be wise for me to put myself in a living arrangement with her. So, I'm looking for a place myself. But, if it turns out that the girls find a place that can accommodate all three of us before I find a place myself, I may simply move in because it will be convenient. I have a lead on an apartment right now. Beth has a friend who needs a new roommate. She mentioned that I needed a place to live. And she called to let me know the information. I go to see the place tomorrow. Hopefully, if everything works out, I'll have a place to live. That would be most excellent. |
Monday night, Sarah and Laura and I went to a lesbian bar called the Lexington. It is in the Mission at 19th and Lexington. It was pretty cool. I was very quiet that evening. But, I wanted to go out. So, we went to dinner first at an Indian place called Zante's. The food was excellent. I will definitely have to take Nancy there when she visits. Then, the Lexington was a small, one-room bar populated mostly by women with a few men and a couple of friendly dogs. The walls were a deep red and the atmosphere was comfortable. I hit on my first gay boy since coming to SF at the Lexington. He was very cute and seemed really shy. He was waiting for a friend to exit the bathroom and was perusing the jukebox's selections. I walked up to see what was there, too. We exchanged a few sentences. He said he wasn't playing anything. I said I wanted to take a look. He said that they had an eclectic collection of music. I smiled. He smiled. And then he went away. It was very fun and it lifted my spirits. Tuesday, Sarah and I went into the city to walk around. First, we went to Stonestown Mall. It was a nice place. We went to Borders. Sarah bought a leather jacket at Wilson's. We flirted and chatted with the store people. I bought a few shirts at Aeropostale. I saw some really cute boys. We had lunch at Chevy's. Then, I wanted to go to the Castro to go to Community Rentals. When we got there, it was closed. So, we walked around a bit anyway. We went to a bunch of bookstores. We went to a small hardware and general store (the name complete escapes me). Sarah bought some chains for her wallet and leather jacket. I bought a little skeleton toy -- like the skeleton toy from the "da, da, da" Volkswagen commercial. Then we decided to go to a coffee place we saw the night before. It's called Bravo Café and is on Valencia between 17th and 18th. It is spacious with many little tables, big windows, a coffee bar area, and then an area with big couches arranged in a conversational square. It is a great, friendly place. I liked the atmosphere very much. I adopted it as soon as I walked in. I had a hot chocolate and Sarah had a mocha. Immediately, I decided I need to talk to someone new. So, I talked to the woman working at the coffee shop. She introduced herself as Tobie. She likes to feign an British accent. So, we joked around and chatted. I told her she was the first friend I had made in SF and she was very happy and honored. We really hit it off. She talked with us for a while. It was very good to make a connection. The skeleton (you must say it with a bad French accent) was a big hit, too. We got a lot of comments about it. So, it's now my new talisman. I take it wherever I go. We met a nice leather boy named Joe. He was very cute -- shaved head, muscled body, tight jeans, leather collar, workman's shirt. He was very soft spoken and kind of shy. It was totally endearing. I wasn't sure if he was gay or not. It didn't matter, really. He makes little dolls and puppets completely out of twist-ties (the kind you find at the supermarket or to tie up garbage bags with). He made a little doll for Sarah. It is one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. He was working on a much larger piece, a puppet a little over a foot tall of a pirate. The doll has a skeleton, internal organs, anatomically correct body parts, clothes, a big hat, a big coat. All of it is made out of twist-ties. It was fantastic. He said he was making a whole group of characters for a puppet show. I can't wait to see them all done. He said he does it for the sheer fun of it. How great is that? The coffee house was the perfect place for me. I felt right. I felt good. I felt happy. I was making connections. I was making friends. I felt like I was becoming part of the city. That's why I like the Mission so much. It is so much more funky, punky, and artsy than the stereotypical gay Castro. |
journal
© 2001 Edmond Y. Chang. All original material. All rights reserved.
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