The following online journal entries are from August 1998.
They are taken from older version of my website.
1:05 PM. I am probably having the toughest time in my life these days. I don't look forward to the next time my life decides to take a tumble. On the surface, things seems to be a-okay. I've got a place to live. I have food on the table. And no one wants me dead (at least that I know of directly). So, I'm left with the less tangible, the more difficult to pin down issues of happiness, security, love, understanding, pride, dreams, and spirituality.
6:12 PM. Calgon, take me away!
12:41 PM. The story of the my life is still the same. I seem to be on the same page still. Hopefully, with the end of the summer and the start of classes and teaching, I'll be able to work my way through to the next chapter.
Happy Birthday to my true friend, Hugh! May your 21st be memorable. Best of luck always and much love to you. Buying gifts has always been difficult for me, especially when I'm looking to give something to someone I respect and admire. Till I find something that befits our friendship, I offer a fragment of poetry from the chapbook of poems I'm working on right now. Hope you enjoy it.
Hugh I don't know how you do it How you keep the love-- Love like philosophers and hungry musicians and children lying awake at night feel. Some little light, small but intense like halogen and pulsars, burns the page before the ink dries and even the ashes left in your fingerprints and the wake of your striving life nourishes. You shine in my life, a hurricane lamp in confusion and grayness, and I shake my head at how you can be so amazing, exhaustingly inspiring. I see so much of what I want to see in me in your gestures, the way you lean on my shoulder, in your articulation, as you talk with your hands.
2:42 AM. What am I doing up at 2:42 AM, you ask? I'm asking the same question. Actually, I'm having a bit of insomnia -- a side effect of sleeping most of the day away. Sadly, it's not because I was feeling particularly lazy. I was sick in bed with the flu. Luckily, I'm feeling much better than I was this morning. So, perhaps, it's only the 24 hour variety.
I hate being sick. But, I think it's my body telling me I need to take a bit better care of myself. I haven't been getting enough sleep. I haven't been eating well enough. I need to get back on track so I can be ready for the new semester, which starts next week.
Life has been pretty crazy. The last couple of weeks have been fraught with dozens of decisions, details, concerns, difficulties, and predicaments. Mainly, I'm just trying to put my best foot forward and take the necessary steps to reach my goals. It's time to think about the future a little bit. And it's time for me to work toward a dream or two or three.
I have decided to move out of my current place and look for a smaller, cheaper apartment. Originally, I had thought about moving back to my father's for a stint. I could save a good sum of money and pay off some of my debts. But, I don't think he thinks that is a good idea and I have come to the conclusion that I prefer living on my own. He has been an incredible help and continues to support me in everything I do. He wants me to stay in my current apartment, feeling that the move is just too much trouble. Honestly, I can't afford to stay here. And even with my father's financial assistance, I want to a change of scene. So, come the end of September, I'll be in a new place. I haven't made any firm decisions about where I'm going to live just yet. I have a couple of places in mind.
The new semester is less than a week away. And I am looking forward to teaching again. I have a few things to polish up before I am ready. I am teaching three sections of Freshman Composition at my university. This will be my fifth year teaching English 101. I can't wait to meet my new students. I have a couple of professional days this week and then classes start next Monday. I don't actually start till Tuesday since I'm teaching only on Tuesdays/Thursdays.
I guess that's enough for now. I am actually starting to get pretty tired. Hopefully, I can shake this insomnia and go to bed. I'll write more soon.
© 2001 Edmond Y. Chang. All original material. All rights reserved.
Email the webmaster of this site.
These pages are best viewed with Internet Explorer. Open your browser to the largest viewable area.