1:05 PM. I am probably having the toughest time in my life these days. I don't look forward to the next time my life decides to take a tumble. On the surface, things seems to be a-okay. I've got a place to live. I have food on the table. And no one wants me dead (at least that I know of directly). So, I'm left with the less tangible, the more difficult to pin down issues of happiness, security, love, understanding, pride, dreams, and spirituality.

	
     Hugh

     I don't know how you do it
     How you keep the love--
     Love like philosophers and
     hungry musicians and
     children lying awake at night
     feel.
     Some little light,
     small but intense
     like halogen and pulsars,
     burns the page before the ink
     dries
     and even the ashes left
     in your fingerprints
     and the wake of your
     striving life
     nourishes.
     You shine in my life,
     a hurricane lamp in
     confusion and grayness,
     and I shake my head
     at how you can be so
     amazing, exhaustingly inspiring.
     I see so much
     of what I want to see in me
     in your gestures,
     the way you lean on my shoulder,
     in your articulation,
     as you talk with your hands.
	

2:42 AM. What am I doing up at 2:42 AM, you ask? I'm asking the same question. Actually, I'm having a bit of insomnia -- a side effect of sleeping most of the day away. Sadly, it's not because I was feeling particularly lazy. I was sick in bed with the flu. Luckily, I'm feeling much better than I was this morning. So, perhaps, it's only the 24 hour variety.

I hate being sick. But, I think it's my body telling me I need to take a bit better care of myself. I haven't been getting enough sleep. I haven't been eating well enough. I need to get back on track so I can be ready for the new semester, which starts next week.

Life has been pretty crazy. The last couple of weeks have been fraught with dozens of decisions, details, concerns, difficulties, and predicaments. Mainly, I'm just trying to put my best foot forward and take the necessary steps to reach my goals. It's time to think about the future a little bit. And it's time for me to work toward a dream or two or three.

I have decided to move out of my current place and look for a smaller, cheaper apartment. Originally, I had thought about moving back to my father's for a stint. I could save a good sum of money and pay off some of my debts. But, I don't think he thinks that is a good idea and I have come to the conclusion that I prefer living on my own. He has been an incredible help and continues to support me in everything I do. He wants me to stay in my current apartment, feeling that the move is just too much trouble. Honestly, I can't afford to stay here. And even with my father's financial assistance, I want to a change of scene. So, come the end of September, I'll be in a new place. I haven't made any firm decisions about where I'm going to live just yet. I have a couple of places in mind.

The new semester is less than a week away. And I am looking forward to teaching again. I have a few things to polish up before I am ready. I am teaching three sections of Freshman Composition at my university. This will be my fifth year teaching English 101. I can't wait to meet my new students. I have a couple of professional days this week and then classes start next Monday. I don't actually start till Tuesday since I'm teaching only on Tuesdays/Thursdays.

I guess that's enough for now. I am actually starting to get pretty tired. Hopefully, I can shake this insomnia and go to bed. I'll write more soon.

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